Want To See Some Championship Turkey Poop?

I thought that in the spirit of our post-election mayhem it would be fitting to talk about ..... poop, crap, sh*t.

If you are reading this you and I may share a bit of mental derangement.  We both have a very odd interest in excrement.  The evidence in my case is particularly well-documented by some of my past Snow Crash posts:

• Cleaning Up Poop In Paradise
  
• How About A Fecal Transplant?
• Fabulous Synthetic Poop! 
• At Last! A Poop Museum! 

Here in Hawai'i creatures still defecate even though it is close to paradise.  Some of the biggest culprits in our neighborhood are wild turkeys.  They are not only biggest in terms of size but also in terms of the amount and disgustingness of their poop.  Like many things here, turkeys are not native and the most prevalent variety was introduced in the mid-1900's for food and "sport."  Again like many other things, they really liked it here, and have thrived because of the climate, the abundance of food, and the absence of any natural predators.

I learned early on that you don't want flocks of turkeys wandering in your yard and walkways because you'll soon be up to your nose in droppings.  These calling cards vary in appearance from big splatto's to dollops of something a bit like a big Hershey's kiss, dark, smooth and shiny.  I have trained the local turkeys to stay off our property by brandishing a broom and yelling as I chase them away.  However, they occasionally challenge the rules and my vigilance with quick incursions.  That's what I think happened recently when I discovered a poop specimen in my driveway.  This was a version I haven't seen before, but it has a number of tell-tale features that convince me the culprit was indeed a turkey, even though I didn't actually witness the expulsion process.

Here are a couple of photos I took to give you an idea.  What's unusual is the upright nature of nature of the poop and its rigid consistency.  The sheer size of this thing reduces the likelihood it was of some other bird, and the placement in the middle of the driveway is unlike a dog or cat (besides, there are no loose dogs in our neighborhood).

Anyway, appreciate nature's artistry and be glad you don't have to smell it or clean it up.