Showing posts with label Life in Hawai'i. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life in Hawai'i. Show all posts

Friday, December 24, 2021

'Twas The Night... Bra, What Dat Clattah?

[Note: This is another blog based on my weekly emails to my family on the mainland.]

12/24/21

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Wow, this really sneaked up on me.  For some reason (geezerhood, probably), I had the idea that

Christmas was Sunday.  Ho ho, huh?  So, on this Christmas Eve, I'll reprint a Hawaiian Pidgin version of the classic "'Twas the Night before Christmas."  There are a number of these around, so I chose one that gives you the idea and is still mostly decipherable. You still may have to do a little "googling" to understand some of the references. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

Was da night bafo' Christmas,
and all ova' da place
Not even da geckos
was showin' their face.

Da stockings was hangin' on top da TV?
('Cause no mo' fireplace in Hawai'i)
Da kids stay all crashed, my old man too.
They leave all da work for you-know-who.

So me, I stay pickin' up alla their toys,
When - boom! - outside get only big noise!
I run to da window, I open 'em up,
I stick out my head and I yell, "Eh! Whassup?!"

And then, I no can ba-lieve what I seen!
Was so unreal, you know what I mean?
This fat haole guy get his reindeers in my yard!
And reindeers not housebroken, you know, as' why hard!

But nemmind, this Christmas, so I cut 'em some slack.
Plus, had uku pile presents pokin' outta his sack!
So I wait 'till he pau tie up his reindeer,
Then I yell out da window, "Huui! Brah, ova hea!"

An' I tell 'em first thing, when I open da door,
"Eh, Hemo your shoes! You going dirty my floor!"
He take off his boots, he tell, "You know who I am?"
I go, "Ho! From the smell, must be Mr. Toe Jam!"

He make mempachi eyes and he go, "Ho, ho, ho!"
By now, I stay thinking this guy kinda slow!
He look like my Tutu, but little less weight,
And his beard stay so white, mo' white than shark bait!

He stay all in red, specially his nose,
And get reindeer spit on top his nice clothes!
But him, he no care; he just smile at me,
And he start fo' put presents unda-neath da tree.

I tell 'em, "Eh, brah, no need make li'dat,
And watch where you step! You going ma-ke da cat!"
Then, out from his bag, he pull one brand new computah,
Choke video games, and one motorized scootah!

He try for fill up da Christmas socks too,
But had so much pukas, all da stuff went fall troo.
When he pau, I tell 'em, "Eh Santa, try wait!
I get plenty leftovahs, I go make you one plate!"

But he nevah like hang, he had so much fo' do;
Gotta make all them small kids' wishes come true.
So I wave 'em goodbye, and I flash 'em da shaka,
And I tell 'em, "Mele Kalikimaka!"

When he hear that, he stop and I telling you true,
He go, "Garans ball-barans! Merry Christmas to you!" (Originally Posted on Katy's Hawaii Adventure, 2008)

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Ever See a Baby Nene?

A what?  

The Nene is the Hawai'i state bird.  It looks a lot like a Canadian Goose, but in fact is a bird found only in Hawai'i.  Descended from some geese that arrived here about 500k years ago, Nene have decidedly different genetic makeup from their mainland relatives, and now have evolved unique physical and behavioral traits.  They spend almost no time in the water, have much less webbing on their feet, they are slightly smaller and have unique striations on their necks, and they tend to have fewer offspring. Also, they don't migrate long distances, though they do fly and do move seasonally from one area to another at higher or lower elevations, probably in response to food availability (escaping from freezing temperatures and blizzards isn't necessary).

Canadian Goose
Hawaiian Goose
Nene evolved without fear of the usual predators that Canadian geese have to deal with -- foxes, bears, raccoons, bobcats, etc. because until humans arrived there were only two mammals in the islands, the monk seal and a unique species of bat.  Neither of these was interested in tasting a goose. Their only threat came from two endemic birds of prey -- the Hawaiian Hawk ('Io) and the Hawaiian Owl (Pueo).  When humans arrived about 1000 years ago and brought with them other non-human mammalian predators (dogs, pigs, cats, mongoose, rats), Nene were nearly wiped out.  In the 1950's only about 50 survived, down from as many as 25k.  Vigorous captive breeding and reintroduction efforts have now raised that back to about 2500 birds.  They also seem to be breeding well these days, thanks in part to humans creating some attractive habitat, especially golf courses.

At the course where Karen often plays they love the open fairways bordered by trees, grass, and shrubs, and about this time each year mating pairs show up to nest and raise their goslings. Several weeks ago she counted at least 10 nesting pairs, and now the little offspring have started to venture out to forage with their parents.  On her recent outings she has seen at least 10 babies and has gotten photos of several family groups out and about. Enjoy them -- few people get to witness these rare and magnificent birds.

Babies are between parents' legs

Same family.

Easier to see all three. Two are resting.

Another family of three.

Good view of the three babies.

One more family. Dad is on guard duty.

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Ho, Ho, Ho! -- Let's Watch the Volcano Blow!

Let's see.  How can 2020 get even worse, you know, just to end on the lowest note possible? Oh, I have it.  Let's have Hawaii''s most active volcano blow!

And that's what happened a few days ago on Sunday, 12/20/20, about 9:30 am HST.  Kilauea has been quiet for about two years, after putting on a spectacular but devastating show for several months in 2018. It finally exhausted the available magma supply and just shut off. Period. Nothing. The best part for us, living as we do nearly 100 miles away, was the sudden clearing of the "vog" (volcanic fog) from our skies.  For nearly two years now we've enjoyed clear air, beautiful views of the coastline and of the ocean horizon, just long enough for memory-challenged humans to think this was "normal."

Actually, Kilauea has been erupting more or less continuously (in geologic terms) for thousands of years and it will continue to do so for thousands more. That is normal, as is the presence of varying amounts of vog throughout the time humans have been in the islands, about 1000 years.

Very soon after the last eruption stopped, volcanologists began recording seismic activity indicating magma moving up to refill the reservoirs under Kilauea. In November this increased dramatically and at a more shallow depth.  Other measurements, like the swelling of the summit ground, were consistent with an imminent eruption, which indeed has happened.  In other words, scientists weren't surprised, though one of the usual indicators was missing -- an uptick in the emission of volcanic gases as the magma got higher and under less pressure. 

If you've seen the photos and videos of the activity, it is very impressive.  Don't book a flight, though, because visitors can't really get that close. To be clear, the eruption is taking place only at the very summit, inside the crater within the summit caldera, called Halema'uma'u. This was a rather small crater until 2018 but when the eruption stopped, it collapsed when all the lava drained away. expanding and deepening dramatically. For about a 1/ 1/2 years ground water oozed into the bottom, forming a lake that was about 100 ft. deep.   Not now.  Lava draining into the bottom of

the crater quickly turned it all into steam in a very dramatic plume of steam, ash, and volcanic gas.  The gas is mostly SO2, which combines with moisture in the air to form vog -- which is essentially airborne sulfuric acid.

So for a while we get to breathe not only Covid19 virus particles but also traces of sulfuric acid.  Wait -- I think our stable genius president might just recommend this as a way of getting rid of the virus.  Seems logical, right, that even a virus can't stand up to acid in your lungs.  Be patriotic, breathe deep! How bad can sulfuric acid be for your lungs?

No estimate on how long this will last is yet available, but I'll be optimistic and say that since the available magma isn't all that great,  it might be pretty short-lived. Of course, this could be in geologic time, not human time. And I could be just blowin' my own smoke here.

In the meantime, a greater immediate threat to us is the volcano we actually live on, Hualalai.  It is active and past due for an eruption and is being closely monitored. Oh damn, I shouldn't have said anything -- I just thought of a way 2020 could get way worse!!


Wednesday, November 11, 2020

Want To See Some Championship Turkey Poop?

I thought that in the spirit of our post-election mayhem it would be fitting to talk about ..... poop, crap, sh*t.

If you are reading this you and I may share a bit of mental derangement.  We both have a very odd interest in excrement.  The evidence in my case is particularly well-documented by some of my past Snow Crash posts:

Here in Hawai'i creatures still defecate even though it is close to paradise.  Some of the biggest culprits in our neighborhood are wild turkeys.  They are not only biggest in terms of size but also in terms of the amount and disgustingness of their poop.  Like many things here, turkeys are not native and the most prevalent variety was introduced in the mid-1900's for food and "sport."  Again like many other things, they really liked it here, and have thrived because of the climate, the abundance of food, and the absence of any natural predators.

I learned early on that you don't want flocks of turkeys wandering in your yard and walkways because you'll soon be up to your nose in droppings.  These calling cards vary in appearance from big splatto's to dollops of something a bit like a big Hershey's kiss, dark, smooth and shiny.  I have trained the local turkeys to stay off our property by brandishing a broom and yelling as I chase them away.  However, they occasionally challenge the rules and my vigilance with quick incursions.  That's what I think happened recently when I discovered a poop specimen in my driveway.  This was a version I haven't seen before, but it has a number of tell-tale features that convince me the culprit was indeed a turkey, even though I didn't actually witness the expulsion process.

Here are a couple of photos I took to give you an idea.  What's unusual is the upright nature of nature of the poop and its rigid consistency.  The sheer size of this thing reduces the likelihood it was of some other bird, and the placement in the middle of the driveway is unlike a dog or cat (besides, there are no loose dogs in our neighborhood).

Anyway, appreciate nature's artistry and be glad you don't have to smell it or clean it up.



 

 

 

 

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Help Solve the Mystery of the Stroller and the Kona Killer Vine

Saw this by the side of the road this morning on our daily walk through the neighborhood. It wasn't there a couple of days ago, but note the vine devouring the stroller already.  No sign of parent or child, but I could swear I heard the vine give a loud burp.  Hmmmm.

Stuff gets abandoned here all the time -- cars, bicycles, refrigerators, dogs, cats.  And people go missing all the time -- tourists out snorkeling or watching lava ooze, hikers falling into old lava tubes, teenagers on a life-quest.  But this seems particularly odd.

Any theories?  Help solve the Kona Killer Vine Mystery!

My own, likely the result of going stir-crazy after months of Covid 19 and election bs, is this.  Parent pushing stroller gets cell call.  Parks the kid on the side of the road for safety, turns back to stroller while answering phone.  Bam! Vine attacks and sucks them both down!  What else could it be?!

Thursday, September 3, 2020

Meet Some Gecko Friends

One of the necessities of living here in Hawai'i is that you have to coexist with a number of other creatures who, like you, are not "native."  Some of these are nuisances, pests, and even ecologically harmful, like rats, ants, coqui frogs, mosquitoes, cockroaches (and perhaps also humans?).  But some have more of a mixed character -- like the several species of geckos around our house.  I've written before about these critters (see "More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Geckos").  We have even befriended a number of the ones that regularly show up at the table where we eat our breakfast outside by our pool.

What, exactly, does "befriend a gecko" mean, you ask?  Earning their trust is a major part of it, to the point where a few seem to enjoy resting on your arm, hand, or even shoulder.  They will also accept being hand-fed a bit of mushed papaya or a small piece of scrambled egg. Even though we reward their approach by feeding them each morning (they only come at breakfast, seldom at lunch or dinner), some seem to genuinely enjoy just "hanging out" with us for awhile.

I assert that our friends are harmless, intelligent, and curious animals that have distinct personalities. In a few more years that statement will likely land me in a locked ward somewhere, but for now I greatly enjoy these little guys.

The population gradually turns over from attrition due to predation (mostly by other introduced species, predominately Minah birds and Egrets).  Here are a few of our current favorites, whom we have named by noting the unique patterns of markings on their backs or foreheads;


"Symmy"

 "Symmy" 

 

Symmy has a strikingly symmetric pattern of dots on her back.  She's a bit skittish and often late to arrive at the table, even though she lives just a few feet away on a lanai underhang.








"Dotty"       
                                                                       "Dotty"
 
Yeah, I know this one has symmetric dots too, though not as round.  But look closely and you'll see two very small dots above the two larger ones on each side of the large center one.  Dotty is a gentle soul who enjoys hand feeding, as shown here. There is a single-dot version whose mugshot doesn't appear here, with just one small dot over the center big one.  It's named "Eyedot."  Alternatives for the two of them we didn't think of initially might have been "Duodot" and "Unidot."





 "Donut"

"Donut"
Ok, this one may take a bit of imagination, but if you look very, very closely, you'll see that the center dot is lighter in the middle than at the edges.  This is unusual and earned the name "Donut," a somewhat stand-offish gecko who nonetheless is one of the first on the scene for breakfast, a characteristic in line with the name.



"Angel"
'
"Angel"
 
And finally, "Angel."  Note the smooshing together of the spots and the elongation of the side ones to kinda sorta maybe look like wings.  Actually, "Angel" is a bit of a "Karen" with an entitled, "rules aren't really for me" attitude. But she's very friendly and is one who likes to just hang out, often in our lap, or on an arm or a leg.  Here she is violating the rule not to eat off our plates (we have designated Gecko Feeding Stations (yogurt container lids) where they are officially allowed to eat.
 
 
There are a few other current favorite geckos ("punahele" in Hawaiian) but I couldn't get good photos of them.  Why tolerate them and not try to keep them at bay like many people we know do?  Well, they really are quite endearing --to us-- and the closest thing we have to pets or offspring.  Also, they are great at catching mosquitoes and other flying insects, so they perform a very useful service.  They are generally well behaved, they are physically harmless to humans and their possessions, and they make almost no sounds that we can hear.* The biggest downside is that they poop out all those insects, and we find this intolerable inside the house but not so objectionable outside (see Cleaning Up Poop In Paradise for a full expose').  This is a case of coexistence which seems to be mutually beneficial even if problematic at times. Something our society could use more of these days.....

 
 
*One species of Gecko, active almost exclusively at night, occasionally makes a kind of fast "clucking" sound. Our friends do not do this, however.
 
 

Thursday, July 16, 2020

Ever See Baby Peacocks Before?

My wife's favorite golf course is called Makalei, located on the slopes of the smallish volcano of Hualalai that looms over our village of Kailua.  The course is beautiful but difficult, with holes that rise and fall with the steep terrain.  On a clear day you can see the Pacific Ocean and the island of Maui in the distance.

The course's mascots -- even appearing on the course logo -- are a number of resident peacocks who have become quite tame and usually insist on a treat as a toll charge at each tee.  My wife loves to watch them as their behavior and plumage change during the year.  Breeding season is now over and the males have lost most of their long tail feathers that they spread as a huge fan to woo the females.

This year Karen was treated to see a couple of baby peacocks wandering around with their mother.  She snapped the photo below and caught a cute interaction between the female (left) and (male) chicks. Note the little stub of a tail fan on the male that he seems to be trying to display.  I imagine the dialogue between them going something like this:

She-cock:  "Brother dear, what the Hell are you doing??"

He-cock:  "I...I don't know!! It just feels like I'm supposed to be trying this!"

She-cock:  "Yeah, well just keep that little peacock to yourself!"




Friday, May 15, 2015

Driving With Aloha (But Not in Rome or LA)

During our travels over the past 40+ years my wife and I have had the "interesting" experience of driving in a number of different countries as well as in different parts of the U.S. and Canada.  Traveling by rented car gives you some unique insights into a culture and the everyday experiences of people as they go about their lives.  It also requires some careful observation of road etiquette and adapting to it in order to avoid getting killed -- or at least to avoid being deafened by other drivers' horns.

Merge Mayhem at Night
Take Italy for example.  We have visited there several times and it is one of our favorite travel destinations.  The very first time, however, included an intense introduction to Italian driving and a lesson in "Italian Merge Mayhem ."  After several days in Rome we picked up a rental car to head to the countryside.  We were smart enough to realize that driving in Rome wasn't a good idea and so our main objective was to get out of town as quickly as possible. However, this necessitated negotiating several intersections and roundabouts in which the main rule of the road was to forge ahead forcefully and with conviction (aka blind faith) that other drivers would yield to you, though not without playing a game of chicken first.  We learned after an hour or so that if we didn't follow this strategy we would be stuck in traffic for the rest of our lives.  If you want a visual illustration of the mayhem I'm referring to, take a look at this short video of a Rome intersection at night.

Other aspects of road etiquette in Italy include traffic signal behavior.  As recounted in the very helpful website Life in Italy, "Traffic lights are generally respected, though you will be expected to be quick off the starting line as soon as the lights change. Rules change when you get to Naples where stopping at traffic lights is an option rather than a rule. A general safety rule when driving late at night or early morning (and probably most other times as well), is to check the intersection for approaching traffic before moving on a green light. Some Italian drivers shoot through intersections when the light has already turned red for them, and sometimes they move forward before they get the green light."

Mama Mia!!
And of course there is proper behavior on the motorways, or autostrade, where extra care is required to arrive alive.  As Life in Italy puts it: "Expect cars to get too close and start flashing at you if you go too slow ( according to the Italian too slow) ... so keep to the right. The speed limit is approximately 80 miles (130 kilometers) per hour but some cars move a lot quicker than that. There are also quite a few drivers who don't observe the safety distance behind you, so again it is best to keep to the right and don't get nervous."  Right, don't get nervous.  Except maybe when you see trucks doing what is documented in this video taken along an Italian highway.  Life in Italy's overall advice matches our own experience very closely: "The rules of the road may seem at times to be open to interpretation ... keep your feet poised over both accelerator and brake - you never know which one will come in most useful."

Driving in different parts of the mainland U.S. poses similar challenges to follow local norms. In California, for example, be prepared for high-speed entrance ramps where any hesitation won't be tolerated by fellow drivers, and changing lanes and tailgating at 80 mph are SOP.  There are also the inevitable 12-lane traffic jams in which maneuvering to the proper exit lane involves a strategy similar to that in Italian Merge Mayhem.  If your are timid or hesitant you'll wind up in Mexico or Oregon before you can get off.

Visitors to Hawai'i sometimes find themselves puzzled over our peculiar driving habits, which are much different than locations on the mainland U.S., and rather different from anything described above. For one thing, we have very few multi-lane highways (mostly on Oahu and the "big" city of Honolulu).  Most of our roads here on my island have just two lanes and narrow shoulders bordered by very unforgiving lava rock.  Distances can be deceiving because travel takes far longer than many people assume -- tourists commonly look at a map and decide to drive completely around the island in a day, which invariably leads them to see most sights in a blur and to be totally exhausted at the end of the day.  Rule #1 here is sloowww downnnnn.  You're in one of the most unique places in the world -- take time to appreciate it.

In the relatively rare situations where merging is required, mainlanders naturally gear up for the battle to force themselves into the stream of traffic.  But something odd often happens:  other drivers make way for them and even gesture them to cut in front! This takes some real getting used to -- people yielding their right of way seemingly without any vehicular intimidation whatsoever.  Wow!

Similar behavior occurs when you are trying to enter a main thoroughfare from a side street.  As you watch a long string of cars coming toward you, it is very likely one of them will slow and allow you to turn in front of them, sometimes signalling you by flashing their headlights.  If you are turning right, quickly and gratefully accept this gift.  If you are turning left, however, be more cautious because the cars traveling in that direction may not be expecting you to suddenly cut in front of them.  It took me quite a while after moving here before I would accept the invitation to turn left, and even now I do so very selectively.

Hawaiian Shaka -- A Good Thing
In general there is a norm of yielding your right of way if you think it will help either a specific driver or it will ease everyone's predicament (for instance when there is a long line of cars waiting to turn onto the road you're on).  This is not necessarily pure altruism -- there is a general expectation that the favor is likely to be returned when you are the one in the difficult situation -- but it is part of a  general attitude here that it's nice to be nice. Helping another driver is often acknowledged with an uniquely Hawaiian hand gesture -- the "shaka, " which consists of the pinky and thumb being extended while the middle three fingers are tucked away.  Visitors may at first mistake this gesture for something rather more negative that they have observed coming from angry drivers elsewhere.  However, the shaka is definitely a good thing -- in this context it means "thanks" or "appreciate it."

Another expectation here is that you will start up quickly from a traffic light, or turn quickly if you are in a turn lane and the arrow comes on.  But people do this not because they're in a big rush and impatient to get somewhere, but rather because they don't want to hold up others.  There is one situation where you might encounter local drivers who are driving fast and are impatient with tourists for going too slow, and that is when they are commuting to or from work.  Lack of affordable housing in areas where jobs are concentrated forces many people to drive a fair distance to work.  Couple this with lots of rubber-necking tourists and very few multi-lane roads and you're bound to have some cranky locals at times.

Basically, the norms of driving in Hawai'i are extensions of the concept of "Aloha" or "Aloha Spirit."  This may sound like hype from a travel advertisement, but it really does characterize a good deal of everyday life here.  "Aloha" is a general concept of friendship, understanding, compassion, and solidarity -- expressed in driving through yielding and trying to help others.

I have to admit that there are times when "driving with aloha" is taken too far.  For example, sometimes local drivers will yield when it isn't really necessary and is even detrimental. This happens when natural breaks in the traffic flow or signals that control flow allow merging or turning and therefore make yielding superfluous, and may even slow traffic for everyone.  In these cases the unintended consequence of being nice is ironically negative.

Despite the occasional negative aspects of driving here in Hawai'i, I'll take a few instances of that over the horn-honking, finger flipping, every-driver-out-for-themselves driving I encounter elsewhere. 

Driving with aloha is definitely one of the reasons I like living here.
 ________________
More in My "Life in Hawai'i" Series

Monday, February 23, 2015

Still Love Those Changes of Seasons????

I'm mean.  As I sit here in the Hawai'i sunshine sipping my coffee on my lanai watching humpback whales splashing in the bay below my house, I can't help but think of all the poor souls on the mainland suffering from this winter of '15.  I'm mean because I am gloating and snickering and want to rub it in.....

To quickly review, I was born and raised on the mainland U.S. and spent the last 30 years before retirement in Ohio, where the winters were...well, not as nice as they are here in Hawai'i.  About six years ago I ran across the following parody of a yuppy diary that is about those wonderful changes of seasons (which I don't miss at all -- see What Do Snowbirds, Humpbacks, and Cruise Ships Have In Common?) and it seems like the right time to reprint it.  I suspect those of you in or near the Boston area may particularly identify with the sentiment being expressed, given you are having one of the worst winters on record.

Enjoy!  (heh, heh....)
“Dear Diary: Ohio Winters:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Ohio is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of
reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful; certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ohio. I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white.The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway.The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin’ snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't
they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it’s coming down it won't melt until the 4th of  July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the shithead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.


Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the chance.


March 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up heap of rusted cow shit.

May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Ohio”
Like I said, I'm mean.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Cleaning Up Poop In Paradise

[Caution:   Squeamish?  Have good taste?  Read the title again and then don't say I didn't warn you.]

I've lived in Hawai'i for over 13 years and I love it.  There are many reasons why I enjoy it so much -- the weather, the culture, the geology, the natural beauty, the fact that our one measly Electoral College vote means we don't have to listen to very many obnoxious Presidential Election campaign ads.

However there are costs to residing in (near) Paradise.  We locals call these "Paradise Taxes," and although we gripe about them we are also glad they exist, otherwise everybody would want to live here. The most obvious one is implied in the term "cost" -- Hawai'i is an expensive place to live in terms of housing, food, energy, all of which are about 30-35% higher than on the mainland, sometimes more depending on the category.  For example, we pay about four times more for electricity per kilowatt hour here than we did on the mainland.

But there are also less obvious costs, one of which is the subject of this blog -- the trials and tribulations of cleaning up poop. 

That's right, there's a lot of poop in paradise and if you're a conscientious home owner you have to learn to deal with it way more than if you live on the mainland US.  I'm not talking about your usual pet poop, which of course is the same here as anywhere.  I'm talking about "critter crap" that is perhaps unique to our constant and benign climate.

There are at least a couple of ways to discuss the scope and characteristics of the maintenance challenge of poop. One is to examine the different categories of poop based on variations in the qualities of the target substance.  Another is to talk about the major sources of poop and how they differ in the maintenance efforts required.  I've chosen the second approach for this blog because it will more clearly contrast living here versus on the mainland since the major sources aren't likely to be encountered by mainland residents.

Source 1:  Geckos 

Culprit 1
I've written extensively about these little lizards in my blog, "More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Geckos."  The most common type, the Gold Dust Gecko was introduced to Hawai'i from Madagascar in the 1970's and has become a common feature both outside and inside of most households.  In my earlier blog I mentioned the poop problem just briefly so now I'll explain more about it.

We tolerate geckos because they are very good natural controllers of flying insects, and because we find their intelligence and social nature very endearing. However, "bugs-in-poop-out." Given the open nature of most houses in Hawai'i, including ours, geckos are almost bound to find their way indoors and no screen door or window can prevent this.  We try to keep their numbers low by catching and re-locating as many as we can, but invariably there are a few who manage to take up residence inside -- which means we must deal with their poop until we can catch them.

Geckos are like cats in that they tend to go in the same place every time.  They prefer to do it dangling, usually choosing a high beam or a piece of corner molding to do their business, which is in the form of a small missile about the size of a grain of rice.  If these hit carpeting or a hard flat surface cleaning them up is pretty easy with a vacuum or a broom (best to let them dry first, otherwise they smear).  However, if the poop strikes the wall or the floor molding on its way down things are more difficult. Some ingredient in Gecko poop seems to allow it to bond very strongly to housepaint.  This produces dark streaks on walls or dark spots on molding that are very difficult to remove, and the longer you wait the worse it is in terms of both quantity and the tenaciousness of the bonds.  Besides the daily cleanup of the missiles, we try to go on regular "poop patrols" around the house to wash the walls and molding.  If you wait too long the only remedy is another coat of paint. We've learned that it helps to repaint with a glossier finish, but this doesn't totally eliminate the problem.

Source 2:  Myna Birds

Culprit 2
This poop source was introduced to Hawai'i from Asia in 1866 to control insects in sugar cane fields (see the Bishop Museum's authoritative account ).  Although this worked, the myna adapted very well and is now considered a nuisance by many residents due to a number of rather obnoxious traits (a nice succinct description is in the Hawai'i Nature Journal).  To the list I will now add Myna Bird Poop.

Mynas are omnivores, meaning they will eat ANYthing, including the aforementioned geckos that live outside (I suspect this is one reason geckos find living indoor environments attractive, despite less food and having to deal with irate humans).  During fledgling season mynas have discovered that geckos are a good source of protein for their chicks, and they hunt them relentlessly around our decks (lanai's).  And while they're doing that they poop.  Lots.  And sometimes while flying.

The result?  Many splatto's on the tops of the wood railings that go along our lanai's (their favorite hunting grounds), on the wooden deck surfaces below the railings, and on the flagstone around our swimming pool.  The poop-while-flying resembles something from a military plane on a strafing run -- a splat of poop that can be several inches long.  Like gecko poop, this also can bond to paint if you don't clean it quickly, and it penetrates the surface of porous sandstone making it very difficult to clean up unless you periodically seal the stone with a special (expensive) product.

Unlike our catch-and-release program with geckos, we have no control options with mynas other that shouting and clapping our hands to scare them off.  Unfortunately this doesn't work very well, and we probably look like crazy people.

Source 3: Turkeys

Culprit Maximus
A number of different types of turkeys have been introduced to Hawai'i over the last 200 years, but the ones that are most common now were brought from the mainland U.S. in the early 1960's.  Like the gecko and the myna bird, turkeys have increased in numbers very quickly and now are found in almost every neighborhood walking down the streets, roosting in monkey pod trees, and marauding through people's gardens (see my blog, "The Curious Case of the Kona Coyote," for more).  

Turkeys travel in flocks, leaving a swath of poop as they go that can be astonishingly nasty. Turkey poop is hands-down the worst excrement we have to deal with in terms of quantity, variety, and gag-reflex-producing olfactory and visual obnoxiousness.

Our first encounter with Turkey poop was on a rainy day not long after we moved here.  Turkeys were still a novelty to us and we found them interesting and sort of endearing.  A female turkey and one of her young offspring took refuge from the rain by roosting on one of our lanai railings.  How cute, we thought, as we took a couple of photos.  On the third shot I could see in the viewfinder a remarkable stream of brown liquid shooting first from Mama Turkey and then from Junior, both streams hitting the deck with a sound that was reminiscent of spilling brownie batter on a kitchen floor. The analogy stops there, however, as I found when gagging during the cleanup operation.

Not long after that incident I was sweeping another lanai one day when I discovered the most amazing pile of poop I have ever seen with maybe the exception of elephant droppings (which don't stink nearly as much, by the way).  Yup, a turkey had found the railing a good place to park for awhile -- long enough to repeatedly poop in the same place, building up the mound so that it resembled one of our island's volcanoes.  The magnitude of this pile was so incredible I took photos of it, but I'll spare you the sight -- let's just say it was 3-4 inches tall and really foul-smelling.  The deck surface here was flagstone and when I washed off the poop I found it had stained the stone badly and it was very difficult to remove.

I quickly rigged up a string system to keep turkeys from roosting there in the future, and I try to re-apply stone sealer regularly.  I also chase the flocks whenever I catch them in our yard, brandishing a broom as I run toward them yelling and shouting (again, crazy person?).  This seems to work, though I find they keep testing me to see if I'm still vigilant -- every once in a while I find a nice dollop in my driveway to remind me they're still around.

So there you have it.  Paradise is not perfect.  We have to struggle with homeowner problems that are perhaps unique but like elsewhere require effort, expense, and time to confront them.  Perhaps this will give you some solace as you huddle around your heat vent this winter.

Could I send you a nice holiday turkey?


Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Curious Case of The Kona Coyote

Well, right up front I have to admit that coyotes do not really exist in Hawai'i, at least in the form that most of you know.  Here they are much smaller and go by another name -- Herpestes Javanicus or "Mongoose" for short.  I call them coyotes because they fill much the same ecological niche here as coyotes do on the mainland U.S.

Coyotus Konicus
Although many visitors to Hawai'i assume mongooses are native to the islands, they are actually from India and Indonesia, and were deliberately introduced here in 1883 to control rats in the sugar cane fields. Some initial success in the Carribean and West Indies with this method was reported in 1882 by naturalist W.B. Espeut.  Espeut and others quickly began to raise mongooses and sell them commercially, including some to cane growers in Hawai'i (not all the islands, however).  Unfortunately Espreut may have been a teensy bit premature in promoting the introduction of mongooses both here and elsewhere. Not only do we still have rats, the mongoose is now a very serious problem, as it is nearly everywhere else it has been introduced.  In their authoritative book on mongooses, Dunn and Hinton describe the introduction of the mongoose into the West Indies as "...one of the most disastrous attempts ever made at biological control"  (Mongooses, p. 63), and the same is true here.  The reasons for the failure are an important cautionary tale for those of us who live on islands, as we shall see.

The rat, too was introduced to Hawai'i but unintentionally -- one species coming with the Polynesian settlers about 1600 years ago and two others (the Black, or Roof Rat and the Norway Rat) with Europeans and Americans beginning in the late 18th century (U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service Factsheet).

Espeut assumed that all rats are the same, as most of us do (you've seen one rat, you've seen them all, right?). Turns out the differences are very, very important. The Norway rat is a ground-nesting species whereas the other two nest in trees or high structures (the Polynesian and Roof rats). The mongoose is a mediocre climber and so it was able to prey on the Norway rat but had much more difficulty with the other two. In a number of studies scientists have found that the introduction of mongoose has led to a decrease in Norway rats but increases in the other two varieties.  The often-quoted story that the mongoose didn't control rats in Hawai'i because the mongoose is active during the day whereas rats are active at night is a gross oversimplification -- the mongoose was able to find the nests of the Norway rat and destroy them even during the day, but it couldn't reach the other two, day or night.

Espeut also underestimated the breeding ability of rats, which far outstrips predation by mongooses.  Further, after reducing the numbers of Norway rats, mongoose then go after other sources of food, including the eggs of ground-nesting birds, beneficial lizards, snakes (none in Hawai'i) and amphibians.  And there are no natural predators in Hawai'i to keep the populations of mongoose in check.

Both the mongoose and the rat were introduced to Hawai'i and are clearly new arrivals here.  In fact, prior to the arrival of humans in the Hawaiian Islands there only two species of endemic mammals -- the Monk Seal and the Hawaiian Bat. The Polynesians intentionally brought two more (besides themselves, of course):  a small domesticated pig and a small variety of dog.  All the rest have been brought here intentionally or accidentally in the last 200+ years -- the blink of an eye in geological and evolutionary time. While it is true that everything here came from somewhere else, the rate of introduction is crucial to understanding the ecological impact these introductions have had and to appreciating those things that are truly unique here.

The Hawaiian Islands are the most isolated group of islands in the world.  Their isolation has meant that the species of plants and animals that managed to arrive here on their own from other parts of the world were themselves isolated from that time on and evolved over eons into unique forms.  For instance we have raspberry vines here but they don't have thorns because they no longer needed them as defense against browsing mammals. Almost all endemic Hawaiian birds evolved from a single species of honey creeper and are found nowhere else on earth. Certain trees, like the Ohia, evolved in the presence of almost continuous volcanic activity and are able to withstand and even thrive in conditions that would kill many others.

Most people who visit Hawai'i see a lush and colorful landscape that, though exotic, still seems somewhat
Java Sparrows (Introduced 1960's)
Safron Finch (SA, introduced 1960's)
familiar.  This is because many of the plants, animals, birds, and insects are in fact not from Hawai'i at all but from the mainland U.S., South America, Europe, and Asia. For example, nearly all of the colorful birds people see (including parrots, turkeys, pheasants, and various songbirds) came from elsewhere, many within the past 200 years or less. At my house I occasionally see two endemic bird species, the I'o and the Pu'eo (native hawks and owls, respectively).  That's it. There are, however many cute introduced birds in my neighborhood, like the Saffron Finch from South America and the Java Sparrow from Indonesia, both introduced in the 1960's. There were dozens more native birds but they are either now extinct or are only found in remote areas, usually at much higher elevations than most tourists go (an exception is Volcanoes National Park where a number of native birds can be seen).

Many of the less attractive aspects of Hawai'i also are not original.  Here's a partial list of negative critters that were NOT in Hawai'i before their recent introduction by humans:
  • rats
  • mice
  • cockroaches
  • ants
  • mosquitos
  • termites
  • wasps (Yellow Jacket variety)
  • giant centipedes
  • slugs
Looking at the list above, it is clear how we use our past experiences with the world to shape our expectations and interpretations of what we encounter in new places.  Nearly all of us have lived where pests like rats, ants and mosquitos are a natural and common aspect of our environment and so we are not surprised when they exist here in Hawai'i also. The real surprise is that this was a place not long ago where they did not exist.  Imagine -- no rats, mice, mosquitoes, ants, or cockroaches!  And of course the sad fact is that they wouldn't be here now if it weren't for us.

Our past experiences can also lead us astray when we assess the implications of what we see in a new environment. This is particularly true for Hawai'i's isolated and uniquely fragile environment. For instance, many of those beautiful birds I mentioned are considered by biologists to be serious problems here because although they are in ecological balance in their original habitats, they become an invasive species when they are introduced to Hawai'i.  Relying on our preference for their attractiveness or their benign role elsewhere as the basis for judging their desirability in Hawaii's environment can be a very bad mistake.

To call something invasive isn't the same as using other negative terms, like referring to a particular plant as a "weed."  Weeds are often simply something we deem undesirable based on aesthetic preference.  An "invasive species" is something that meets one or more of a number of specific scientific criteria, including:
  • being able to spread quickly and widely
  • being either a predator that threatens to extinguish beneficial native species or having qualities that give it competitive superiority over other species for food or territory
  • altering the habitat in unsustainable ways
  • producing significant negative impact on the local economy
Of course, values and attitudes are still at play when we decide what action, if any, should be taken to control invasive species. This is particularly true when the species is something we find beautiful or cute, like most of the small birds we have introduced, or a species we find desirable in other ways, like the animals brought here to be hunted for food or sport.

An instructive comparison is between a variety of wild turkey introduced here in 1961 versus the Nene, an endemic variety of goose and the Hawai'i state bird. Both are large, ground-nesting and foraging birds that prefer not to fly much but are magnificent when they do. The Nene is severely endangered, whereas the wild turkey has increased from 400 birds to 16,000 in just 50 years (there
Latest introduction 1960's
are actually several varieties of turkeys in Hawai'i, all of them intentionally introduced beginning in the late 1700's and 1800's).  In its original environment of North America the wild turkey's numbers are kept in balance by several predators (fox, coyotes, cougars, large birds of prey, skunks, bobcats, racoons, possum, and snakes), harsh winters, and hunting by humans. Being a prey animal living in harsh conditions, it evolved a number of characteristics to counter these threats:  (1) it has large number of offspring, 10-14 chicks; (2) it is polygamous, with the males establishing large harems of females during mating season; (3) it eats almost anything -- leaves, fruit, seeds, and nuts of a wide variety of plants, shrubs, and trees, insects of various kinds, even small amphibians and lizards, (4) it takes refuge in trees at night to avoid predators; (5) it has developed resistance to many diseases carried by other mainland birds and animals. Without the controlling influences in the turkey's original environment, these qualities can be very ecologically problematic in Hawai'i where there are far fewer predators, a very benign climate, few competitors, and plenty of food.

The Nene, on the other hand, evolved in the absence of all the predators listed above with the exception of birds of prey, and without the ecological competition of other foraging birds (recall,
Nene -- Endemic
most other birds were types of honey-creepers).  It has fewer offpring, 1-5 per female, tends to be monogamous (often mating for life), is a selective and somewhat picky eater of leaves, seeds and berries and has no immunity to diseases carried by birds and animals recently introduced.  These qualities were adaptive for the environment that existed before the arrival of humans and the introduction of predators and generalist competitors. But Nene are poorly equipped to handle these sudden changes, and only through an aggressive captive breeding program have they been brought back from the brink of extinction. People often see Nene in open grasslands, like golf-courses, and incorrectly assume they are plentiful.  Visitors mistakenly believe them to be Canadian Geese, from which they evolved starting about 500,000 years ago, and which have become a serious nuisance in urban areas of the mainland where they congregate in large numbers -- another example of how past experience can sometimes lead to wrong conclusions in new environments.

The natural introduction of a new species causes an imbalance in an existing ecosystem that in time will sort itself out. In the case of Hawai'i new plants, animals and insects arrived at a relatively slow pace due to the isolation of the islands. However, beginning with the arrival of humans 1,600 years ago and accelerating tremendously with Cook's discovery of the islands a little over 200 years ago, hundreds of new species of plants, animals, insects, and diseases have been introduced within a very short time.  And the ecosystem is still in turmoil, according to biologists who are studying this process and who find Hawai'i a fascinating and valuable natural laboratory to observe both ecological adaptation and evolution in action. The biologists naturally and understandably stress the negative impact new species have had on native populations but they are also intrigued by how these new species interact with each other and in some cases how native species have adapted in positive ways to the newcomers.

Apapane -- Endemic
For example, the Pue'o (endemic owl) and the I'o (endemic hawk) never saw a rat or a mouse until their recent introduction.  Their diet consisted mainly of other native birds.  Now, however, they are learning that these new furry critters are a tasty source of protein.  They also are quite happy to eat introduced birds, particularly now that the native varieties are scarce. Another example is that one species of endemic bird, the beautiful Apapane, is apparently developing a resistance to Avian Malaria that is carried by alien birds -- this disease, transmitted by mosquitoes that breed in terrain uprooted by European wild boars, has decimated many native Hawaiian species. As I said, evolution in action.

There are also examples of new arrivals controlling each other. Mongoose, rats, and feral cats -- justly demonized for preying on native birds -- are now major controllers of burgeoning populations of introduced birds that would otherwise become an even greater destructive problem than they are now. This is why I call the Mongoose a Kona Coyote -- in this environment it performs a controlling role similar to the coyote on the mainland U.S.. Although mongoose, rats and feral cats are themselves a serious problem, if they were to be suddenly eradicated in Hawai'i the populations of introduced bird species would skyrocket, with severely negative consequences.

Note that this is another illustration of how our prior experiences can lead us astray in new situations.  Many of us from the mainland U.S. are very familiar with the negative impact of cats on bird populations there.  But in that case the birds are not alien and not invasive. Of course, eradicating introduced birds in Hawai'i would likely also cause problems.  For instance, the Myna bird from Southeast Asia has become very fond of eating geckos from Madagascar, which aside from humans and cats have no other predators here and are very prolific breeders.

These examples illustrate the complexity of the mess we have created and the fact that solutions can't be as simple as we often assume -- some approaches will just make matters worse here in Hawai'i even though they might be appropriate elsewhere.  And since rolling back the clock isn't really possible, we are left with developing ways to substitute the control forces that are absent for the species we have introduced, an expensive and risky proposition given our historical record in this matter (remember the lesson from the curious case of the Kona Coyote).

If you look back at the list of qualities for defining an invasive species you might agree that humans fit nearly all of them.  We are able to spread quickly and widely over most of the planet. We are a predator that threatens to extinguish beneficial native species. We have qualities that give us competitive superiority over other species for food and territory.  And we certainly have a record of altering the habitat in unsustainable ways. A key difference between us and other invasive species, however, is that we are aware of what we are doing and we can alter our behavior and mitigate the effects of our own presence as well as the effects of those species we have introduced either intentionally or unintentionally.

The question is whether we have the will to do so.  And whether we still have time.
__________________________________
Some Resources and References:
Hawai'i's Invasive Species, 2001.  Staples, G.W. & Cowie, R.H. (Eds.). Mutual Publishing, Honolulu.
"Invasive Species"   U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service
Encyclopedia of Invasive Species: From Africanized Honey Bees to Zebra Mussels by Susan L. Woodward & Joyce A. Quinn
Encyclopedia of Biological Invasions - edited by Daniel Simberloff & Marcel Rejmanek
Biological Control by H.M.T. Hokkanen & James M. Lynch
Fighting Invasive Species in Hawai'i  The Nature Conservancy
Invasive Species in Hawai'i University of Hawa'i'
Mongooses by A. M. S. Dunn & H. E. Hinton


Other Blogs in the "Critters of Hawai'i series:
Tons of Fun
"Lei"zy Horses and Hot Malasadas
More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Geckos


Friday, December 20, 2013

A "Pele" Merry Christmas

Pele (pronounced "Peh - Ley," almost rhymes with "Merry" if you're British) is the Hawaiian goddess of fire, believed to be currently residing in Kilauea Volcano, about 95 miles from where I live.  I'm not sure what she thinks about the celebration of Christmas, but I bet she likes New Year's -- all those great fireworks!

The Holiday Season in Hawai'i is ..... well, different.  

First, there's the weather. Certainly there are a few places in the mainland U.S. where it is warm at this time of year, and some even have palm trees, like Florida and southern California. But in Hawai'i  the warmth is most often accompanied by "makani olu'olu"  -- pleasant, caressing breezes.  Also, few other places have comfortable temperatures day and night.  Even at this time of year we eat dinner outside on our lanai, where we can see the Christmas lights of our neighbors and look back inside to our own Christmas tree glowing brightly.

But more noteworthy is how Christmas has been adapted to express the local culture and traditions.  For instance,  people frequently decorate their open convertibles with bows, candy canes or wreaths on the front grill or hood, and our annual evening Christmas parade along the waterfront features hula dancers and Santa with a floral lei around his neck. Speaking of Santa, he often arrives here in an outrigger canoe or even on a surfboard wearing board-shorts. The Salvation Army bell ringer at our local Walmart has traded the bell for an ukelele, which she strums as she sings Christmas Carols and hymns. Holiday parties are almost always outdoor affairs, featuring "pupus," appetizers that usually are enough to feed an army and can always be a substitute for a full meal.

Some of the season's traditions are followed even though they are a bit out of place here, and for me it adds to the charm of Christmas in Hawai'i.  For instance, our climate makes it very difficult to grow spruce and pine trees.  Even so, many people are keen on using them to decorate their homes and so boatloads of trees are shipped each year in refrigerated containers from tree farms in the Pacific Northwest. The big-box stores are the best places to obtain these, and people watch closely for the containers to arrive because the best trees sell quickly.  And unlike on the mainland, a new shipment may not arrive very soon, if at all.  (Actually, living in a place where nearly everything is brought in involves being quick to take advantage of the availability of things -- if you don't you'll very likely lose out).  The trees actually last pretty well, probably thinking it is a nice warm spring after a short but chilly winter.

Just like people living on the mainland, Hawaiian residents enjoy decorating the outside of their homes, though too many lights can make the season rather expensive -- we have just about the highest electric rates in the nation.  Still, you see many houses with the usual glowing icicles hanging from roofs, and reindeer, snowmen, and traditionally-dressed Santas in people's yards.  Perhaps we appreciate these all the more because we know the expense of lighting them.  Of course, icicles, reindeer and snowmen do not really exist here and it can seem odd to see them side by side with orchids, hibiscus, and bougainvillea.  Oh, actually I'm wrong about snowmen.  Occasionally during this time of year snow does fall on 13,000-foot Mauna Kea and ambitious residents will drive to the summit, fill their pickups with a load then rush down to their homes or to the beach and build a snowman.  Of  course it lasts maybe two hours, max.


New Year's Eve celebrations feature a LOT of fireworks, both the big institutional displays like on the mainland (here provided by the fancy resorts), and also more private shows set off in front of people's houses.  The weather encourages this outdoor activity, of course, but also it is probably an expression of our large Asian culture that embraces fireworks in a big, big way. A week or so before New Year's fireworks are on sale in supermarkets, drug stores, and of course the big box stores like Costco, where they have prepackaged assortments that range from small to humongous.  My wife only lets me indulge in one of the smaller assortments.  Fireworks have become much more tightly regulated in the last 10 years or so in an attempt to cut down on fires and injuries, but New Year's celebrations here still more closely resemble July 4th on the mainland.

One final noteworthy aspect of the Holidays here has to do with the spirit of the season -- the feeling of warmth toward others, generosity, compassion and joy at being with loved ones.  This of course is the spirit emphasized by seasonal music, greeting cards, media specials, etc.  But here it is called the Spirit of Aloha and one of the best parts about living in Hawai'i is that it lasts all year......

Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas) and Hou'oli Makahiki Hou (Happy New Year)!