Monday, February 23, 2009

Ah, Love Those Changes of Seasons!

My wife and I lived in Ohio for over thirty years. A friend who still lives there recently forwarded the following parody of a Yuppy Diary that seems to capture part of the reason we left after retirement. You non-Ohioans just substitute whatever is appropriate given your locale for “Ohio” “fall color,” “snow,” “deer,” and “rust.”

“Dear Diary: Ohio Winters:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here.
The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful
old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in
the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Ohio is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the
real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a
multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of
reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk
through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer.
They are so graceful; certainly they must be the most peaceful
creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why
anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the
very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ohio.
I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight:
everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white.
The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard.
We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway.
The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight.
I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too
close to the driveway because we had to go out and
shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place.
Nature in harmony. I love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it!
The plow did his cute little trick again. What a
rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway
to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the
shoveling. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I've got
blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the
snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done
shoveling the driveway. Asshole.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin’ snow.
If I ever get my hands on the sonofabitch who drives that
snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't
they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I
have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB
"Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are
buried up to the windows. Weather man says to
expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many
shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it’s coming down it
won't melt until the 4th of > July! The snowplow got stuck
down the road and the shithead actually had the balls to
come and ask to borrow a shovel! > I told him I'd broken 6
already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store
to get some food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my
car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the
car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should
have a longer season if you ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain
turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke
the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and
it went through the roof. I should have cut that
old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the

March 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you
believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of
that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a
bashed up heap of rusted cow shit.

May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida.
I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind
would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Ohio”

There are a number of lessons in this parody, one of which is that it is not so much the world around us that changes over time, but our perception of it. As we begin to take the positive qualities of things for granted, the negative qualities (which were there all the time) begin to emerge more prominently. I’ll bet the writer of this diary was just as negative about Florida a year later.

1 comment:

Coleen Hanna said...

It's good to keep expectations low; harder to be disappointed. My granddaughter is excited about everything--loves life, lives in the present--and I don't look forward to the day when she realizes that it's good, it's bad, and sometimes boring, but can be exciting. The twinkle in her eye will probably go away. But now she's loving it and I like seeing it through her eyes.