[Message from Intergalactic Council: The following messages were received as a burst relay after we had lost contact with agent Zork Zynt stationed on subject planet "Earth" in a political unit named "USA." We feared for Zork's safety when he went dark for many cycles after a final message describing his possible symptoms of our experimental pandemic virus. The transmorgified bodies of all Earth agents should have been immune, of course, but something apparently went wrong, a matter currently under careful investigation.]
Encrypted Transmission #017 Agent ZZ to IEC Local Date 11.15.20
Tell the bio guys I take back all my previous kudoes, and that I'm going to kick them in their sperm-buds when I get back! Human body completely shut down from virus for at least 14 Earth cycles. Lost consciousness and woke up in a puddle of body fluids, weak and without any body fat left and a very bad pain in digestive organ called "stomach." Felt better after a dozen Krispy Kremes. What happened to our special immunity!!! This assignment gets more and more dangerous -- both from the humans and now even our own kind! You idiots!
Encrypted Transmission #018 Agent ZZ to IEC Local Date 11.16.20
So, the pandemic experiment protocol hadn't planned on the ineptitude of human response, particularly in my zone. Current leader denies it's real, ignores facts, encourages followers to ignore measures for curbing viral spread, claiming they violate something called "constitutional rights." Situation completely out of control. Casualty count way more than we wanted. This isn't going well at all.
Encrypted Transmission #019 Agent ZZ to IEC Local Date 11.18.20
Almost sorry I woke up. Election in US zone now over, but these humans are still self-destructing and acting even crazier than before I lost consciousness. Leader and his followers claim victory, yet challenger received 6 million more votes and many more of votes of "Electoral College," a strange part of election process left over from days when citizens here enslaved each other. Losers claim election rigged, but can't point to any evidence that holds up under scrutiny. This is almost as bad as my assignment on Castix 4, where the inhabitants wound up eating each other....
2 comments:
oh thank goodness zork is Ok! his research mission and reports are valuable. So sorry for the fluid leakage of the human body containers. We,suffer from them too, even when not in a pandemic. looking forward to new transmissions.
Cecilia's right, there's leakage here too, mainly in the area of the brain. Maybe they'll come up with a vaccine for that too.
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