Tons of Fun: Humpbacks in Hawai'i

They're back!

Each winter Hawai'i gets thousands of repeat visitors, many of them of the species Humanica Snowbirdae, giving a much appreciated boost to our economy.  The visitors I look forward to the most, however, don't spend a dime.  They weigh an average of 40 tons and are the size of a bus.  I'm referring to Megaptera Novaeangliae, or Humpback whales, who come here for some of the same reasons as Humanica Snowbirdae;  the warm clear ocean waters, idyllic weather, romantic mating habitats.

However, the Humpbacks differ in several respects from most Snowbirdae.  For one thing Humpbacks give birth here to their 1-ton 12-foot long calves.  The actual moment of birth of a Humpback is still something of a mystery -- no one has been able to document the event itself.  Nor are scientists certain why the whales don't just stay in their home territory of Alaska to give birth rather than swimming 2,000 miles to Hawai'i.  One reason may be that the shallow warm waters around the Hawaiian Islands are a safer nursery for the babies because they can escape predation from Orca whales, who don't often range this far south, but no one knows for sure.

Another difference between Humpbacks and other visitors is that the Humpbacks don't eat during the entire time they are here, whereas Humanica Snowbirdae are noted for their enthusiastic consumptive behavior.  The Humpbacks' diet consists mostly of tiny plankton and krill as well as small fish like mackerel which aren't found in enough abundance in Hawaiian waters to sustain them.  This 2-3 month starvation diet is particularly hard on new mothers, whose fat reserves have to be enough for both them and for their newborn calves to develop strength and stamina for the arduous trip back to Alaska.  Maybe for this reason females are larger than males, one of the few mammals for which this is the case.

Humpbacks seem to have a lot of fun while they are here, like many other visitors do.  But Humpback "fun" can be very dramatic, particularly when they breach, launching themselves almost completely out of the water and landing with an impressive splash visible for miles.  You can imagine the strength it must take to propel 40 tons of blubber straight up out of the water -- and I've seen individuals do this repeatedly for 20-30 times.  They also like to slap their pectoral fins or their tail flukes on the surface making a tremendously loud noise.  Scientists think this behavior is associated with courtship and social dominance, but in their home feeding grounds Humpbacks also use these behaviors to cooperatively round up food.  Whatever the reason, it sure looks like they're having a great time.

One of the most widely known behaviors of Humpbacks is their singing.  But most people aren't aware that (a) only the males sing and (b) nearly all singing takes place just before and during migration and while the whales are here in their breeding grounds.  The strange underwater sounds that sailors heard for centuries weren't identified as coming from Humpbacks until the 1960's, when they began to be studied scientifically.  Here are a few of the recent findings detailed by the conservation organization Whale Trust:

A typical song is ... made up of 5-7 themes that are usually repeated in a sequential order. A song typically lasts 8-15 minutes (although it may range from 5-30 minutes), and then is repeated over and over in a song session that may last several hours... A striking feature of the song is that it gradually changes or evolves over time. Each year, different sounds and arrangements of sounds form to create new phrases or themes. These changes are slowly incorporated into the song, while some older patterns are lost completely...The change in the song display seems to occur in a collective or common way throughout the population. Usually after a period of several years, the song is virtually unrecognizable from the original version. In some cases, however, the song has completely changed in just two years! Despite the constantly changing nature of the song, all singers in a population sing essentially the same version at any one time. In fact, all the singers in the North Pacific (that is, whales in Japan, Hawaii, Mexico and the Philippines) separated by thousands of kilometers sing essentially the same version of a song at any one time...The explanation for the collective change of the song, especially over such vast distances, is currently unknown.

Humpbacks were nearly driven to extinction by relentless hunting during the 1800's and early 1900's.  Hundreds of thousands were slaughtered during this time for their oil, meat, and bones. During the period 1910-1916 more than 60,000 humpbacks were killed just in the southern hemisphere.  The North Pacific population was reduced to just 1,000 animals at the lowest point. They have been protected for about the past 50 years and have made a slight comeback, with the current world-wide population about 6-10 thousand, 50% of whom overwinter in Hawai'i.

Hopefully we can continue to co-exist peacefully with these magnificent gentle giants. They are truly extraordinary sentient beings....and tons of fun.
___________________________________
Animal Diversity Web (University of Michigan)
Earth Trust: Humpback Whales
National Geographic:  Humpback Whales
Whale Trust:  Humpback Songs

"Lei"zy Horses and Hot Malasadas

There are a number of annual events that make living in Hawai'i very enjoyable.  One I have already written about is the awe-inspiring Ironman Triathlon.  Several others are more celebrations of local culture and history that primarily involve residents, though visitors lucky enough to be here when they occur will also find them to be a unique treat.

One is the yearly parade in honor of King Kamehameha I, the Hawaiian monarch who unified the islands into one kingdom in the late 1700's and ushered in a period of unprecedented peace and prosperity.  Kamehameha was born on our island, and so there is a special local connection to this celebration, which is held state-wide each June. 

Pa'u Riders

The parade route is along part of Ali'i Drive, a waterfront street that passes through the quaint business area of Kailua-Kona.  The backdrop is the crystal clear blue Pacific 50-100 feet away and lining the route are palms, banyan trees, colorful bougainvillea, plumeria, orchids, and other assorted varieties of tropical greenery.  In the golden morning sunlight the scene is eye-poppingly beautiful.

Princess and Two Escorts

The special feature of the parade are eight groups of Pa'u horseback riders, each representing one of the main Hawaiian islands.  Each group consists of a princess and her attendants, plus several male outriders or escorts, all of them (including the horses) wearing the colors and flowers of the island they represent. The word Pa'u means "skirt" and refers back to the tradition started in the 1800's for women riders to wear long flowing skirts to protect their fancy clothing when they were riding to a party or celebration.  The flowers are incorporated into leis and hatbands and are appropriate to the island -- for our Hawai'i Island the riders wear red and the flowers are lehua blossoms woven into leis of maile and other ferns.  The horses wear leis, too, and usually bands of flowers in their harnesses.

Horses have been in Hawaii only for about 200 years.  They were introduced in 1803, when a mare and foal were brought by Richard Cleveland as a gift to King Kamehameha I.  Hawaiians had of course never seen such an animal -- the only mammals in the islands until humans arrived were the monk seal and an indigenous species of  bat.  The Hawaiians introduced dogs and pigs from Polynesia  (and maybe accidentally the palm rat), and in 1793 Captain George Vancouver presented King Kamehameha I with 5 black longhorn cattle. The cattle multiplied wildly, and in 1832 John Palmer Parker worked with King Kamehameha III to bring Mexican vaqueros with riding and roping skills to help with his booming cattle ranching business.  The vaqueros adapted well to Hawaii, where they were called paniolos (a Hawaiian interpretation of "espanol"), and introduced the cowboy culture here even before it was developed on the mainland U.S.  Of course here the cowboys do the hula instead of the two-step.  In the early 1900's Portuguese immigrants were recruited as ranch workers and they added their own cultural flavor to the mix, including the invention of the ukelele.

Poop Patrol

A parade with nearly a hundred horses is going to generate considerable fertilizer.  One of the cutest parts of the parade are the teams of pooper-scoopers that follow each of the Pa'u units.  They pull small wagons often decorated as colorfully as the Pa'u groups, and the scoopers do their job with a humorous flourish.  For example, this year the team following the riders representing Koho'olawe, a small island off the coast of Maui that was used for many years by the U.S. military as a bombing range, called themselves "The Bomb Squad,"  a double nod to the historic military reference and to the still-steaming missiles on the street. One of my favorites a few years back was a group whose highly decorated poop wagon had a large sign saying "Hot Malasadas!"  We residents in the crowd had to explain to visitors that malasadas are Portuguese doughnuts, a delicious favorite pastry found in bakeries all over the island.

For me the parade captures the character of Hawai'i very well:  A mix of Hawaiian, European, Asian, and Polynesian cultures displaying the complexity and diversity of influences on our history,  all in a physical setting that is hard to match.

More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Geckos

We might as well skip to the bottom line here and state the take-home message of this blog:  retired people have way too much time on their hands.

That would certainly explain why my wife and I (a former middle school mathematics teacher and a retired professor of Social Psychology) are experts on the behavior and physical traits of a lizard  -- specifically Phelsuma laticauda laticauda, otherwise known as the Gold Dust Day Gecko or, thanks to Madison Avenue advertising geniuses, "The Geico Gecko."  It would also explain how we could come to identify individual geckos with names like "Stumpy, "Flipper," "Barbie," "King," "Mona," and "Hook."

Still with me?  It's going to get worse, so you might want to go do something more productive (unless, of course, you're retired too -- or are a retired wannabe).

There are actually several varieties of geckos in the Hawaiian islands, all of them introduced or alien.  The oldest species probably came with the first Polynesian settlers about 1200 years ago, though it might have arrived here independently since gecko eggs are highly resistant to salt water (they're about the size of a small pea and have hard shells) and gecko females can reproduce on their own through pathogenesis if there are no males present.

Two varieties that visitors to Hawaii are most likely to encounter were introduced fairly recently:  the Common House Gecko (active at night, has a laughing chirp) in the 1940's and the Gold Dust Day Gecko in the 1970's (active during the day or around light sources at night). The most recent introduction in the '80's is still very rare (in fact, I haven't seen one) -- the Orange-spotted Day Gecko .  The ones we know the most about are the Gold Dust Geckos and from here on "Gecko" will refer to this type.

Geckos love to be around humans.  Humans, though, are divided in their attitude toward being around geckos.  Some find these little guys endearing, cute, and entertaining while others find them repulsive, disgusting and scary.  We are most definitely in the Gecko-Lover group, though there are limits to our affection and tolerance.  More on that later.

Stumpy enjoying some papaya juice.

 Like their name implies, Gold Dust Geckos have small golden specks on their green backs and in the sunlight these spots really light up.  Complimenting the green and gold are red splotches on their heads and backs near their rear legs.  The shape and pattern of these splotches turn out to be very distinctive, and they are one way that allows us to recognize one gecko from another.  They also are the source of some of the names we have given to different geckos.  "Hook," for instance, is a large male with hook-shaped splotch.  "Barbie" is a female with two splotches joined together so that they look like bar-bells.  (Of course, some of our neighbors have suggested that being this observant of the color splotches on lizards may be regarded as eccentric, slightly demented, or both.)

Besides red, green, and gold, our Gold Dust Geckos have turquoise bands around their eyes and turquoise toes.  Males when they are fully mature also have turquoise at the tips of their tails -- aside from the larger size of males, this is the main way you can tell a boy gecko from a girl gecko.

The tails of geckos will fall off if they are attacked by a bird, cat, or irate human.  This is a defensive maneuver meant to distract the predator with a wriggling tidbit while the gecko escapes.  The tails seem to be detachable in different lengths, and although they grow back in a month or two, there is always a faint line at the detachment location.  The regrowth pattern is another characteristic that allows individual identification.  For example, our all time favorite gecko was named "Stumpy" because her regrown tail retained a more rounded tip than usual.

Hmmm. Pearl or gecko egg???

We find geckos endearing because they are intelligent, gentle, curious creatures who will respond positively to human kindness.  When we eat breakfast on our lanai, we are routinely visited by a number of geckos who seem to enjoy being hand-fed bits of papaya or scrambled eggs.  As a  side note, we have observed that they treat these two foods quite differently.  They gently slick papaya and eat small bits.  Pieces of egg, though are snatched and chomped in a manner similar to when they are hunting live insects.  (By the way, geckos have no teeth and couldn't hurt you if they tried.)  They seldom show up for lunch or dinner, and although we're not sure why this is so, it is perhaps a good thing because our human dinner guests might not share our tolerance for lizards on the table.

Here are a few other things we've learned by careful observation over the years:

• They are very territorial.  The same geckos are always in the same areas,  and they will defend their territory against other geckos.  Sizes of territories vary from a six-foot section on an outside balcony to a wall in a room.
• They pair off.  A male may have one to three exclusive consorts who take up residence in the same territory.  "Hook" and "Mona" have been a pair on our lanai for around two years, for example.
• They can live a long time.  I read somewhere that in captivity geckos can live 12 years or more.  Our oldest was at least 5 or 6 years old when he disappeared one day.  He was a resident on our lanai when we moved in and was already mature.  He lived in the same territory and visited the outdoor breakfast table nearly every day for 5 years.  We named him King Gecko because he was the largest we had seen, and he still holds that record.
• They have distinct personalities.  If you are someone who puts geckos in the same category as cockroaches or rats, you may find this difficult to swallow.  But we swear there are consistent individual differences among our favorite geckos.  Some are calm and mellow, others are divas.  Some like to "hang out" with humans even if they aren't being fed, others are more materialistic.  Some are bold and take risks, others are timid and wimpy.  I admit I'm violating my scientific training with this blatant display of  anthropomorphizing, but I think mine is more defensible than, say, Disney's Lion King.
• No suction cups or sticky feet. Contrary to popular belief, the gecko's ability to climb vertical surfaces and even walk upside down isn't because their feet are sticky or their toes have suction cups.  The truth is much more amazing:  their toes are covered with thousands of tiny hairs that adhere to even the smoothest surface because of something called van der Waals forces.  They adjust the amount of adhesion by bending their toes backwards (i.e. up) away from the surface for less or putting them directly on the surface for more.  When we see them walking flat on our table their toes are curled upward, which is kind of cute.  A more thorough explanation is in a recent Scientific American article here.
• Being a baby gecko is dangerous.  In their native Madagascar, baby geckos are totally on their own and face numerous predators as soon as they emerge from the egg.  Here in Hawaii they have only a few enemies:  birds, cats, mongoose, humans, and....adult geckos who will eat them if they can catch them.
• Geckos poop in the same spot and do it dangling.  Geckos are like cats in that they prefer to poop in the same location.  Unlike cats, though, they don't cover it up afterward because they let it drop while dangling from an overhang of some kind.  By the way, the poop reminds me of parakeet droppings.  More than you really wanted to know?  Read on.

So far I've mentioned only our interactions with geckos outside in our garden or on our lanai.  But living in Hawaii means living with at least a few geckos inside your house.  Unless you keep your house hermetically sealed they can easily infiltrate any screen door or window that you leave open.  We leave our doors and windows open all year, all day and night,  nearly every day because the weather is so pleasant.  In fact, our house has no central heating or air conditioning so closing it up doesn't really make much sense.

Having geckos live in your house is good in that flying insects like mosquitoes are a main part of their diet.  However, what goes in comes out, and cleaning up gecko poop can get old real quick (see my related blog, "Cleaning Up Poop In Paradise"). The dilemma is how to maintain this at a "reasonable" level.  Many people adopt the "search and destroy" approach, killing any gecko they can with a fly swatter or a shot of insecticide.  Others adopt a "let it fly" approach,  which means they save money on mosquito repellent but spend a fortune on cleaning supplies.

Our approach involves a "catch and release" program, and has resulted in us becoming very expert at catching geckos and relocating them outside.  Catching a gecko isn't easy because they are very fast and can be quite adept at finding nooks and crannies where you can't get at them without destroying your furnishings.  However, we have learned how to turn their traits to our advantage and with a little teamwork, we are very successful.  The trick is to use the gecko's behavior against it.  For instance, they are fast but they don't have much stamina.  Armed with a couple of furniture dusters, we can often run a gecko back and forth until it tires enough to allow one of us to gently pick it up and hold securely in our hand.  By the way, we know when they are ready for pickup because they turn dark.  This process can be hastened if we can get them onto carpet, because it is difficult for them to run and they quickly tire out.

Over the years we've learned their likely defensive strategies and we can even use these against them.  For example, one strategy is to run toward the largest vertical surface -- which might be one of us.  Another is to hide underneath the nearest object -- which might be one of our feet.  Often they will take refuge inside one of the dusters, which of course plays right into our hands.

We relocate our house geckos far down the street in some suitable bushy habitat.  We learned early on that we had to take them quite some distance away or else they would return (perhaps their territorial attachment kicking in).  This means that our approach to gecko control is not only humane, it also has the benefit of providing us with exercise.  It also benefits our neighbors by entertaining them with our frequent relocation trips!

Well, there is still more gecko knowledge and wisdom I could impart, but I'm sure that by now you've learned much, much more than you ever wanted to know about geckos. As for me, I'm thinking of starting a twitter feed for geckos, or maybe a Facebook page for our favorite geckos, more maybe apply for a grant to study the potential uses of gecko poop............... I'll keep you posted.

Lessons from Living in Hawai'i

Here are some of the things I've learned from living in Hawai'i for the last nine years:

• Palm trees. There are a gazillion different kinds. They cost a lot of money to be pruned. They have to be pruned every 6-9 months.
• Trade winds are better than tornadoes.
• Banana tree sap is the world's most permanent dye.
• Bananas. A gazillion kinds. The smaller the tastier.
• It takes two years to grow a pineapple in your yard.
• Aloha means more than "hello" and "goodbye."
• In the Hawai'ian language the same words mean "sweet person" and "fat person."
• There were glaciers in Hawai'i.
• Human impact. Before humans came to Hawai'i there were NO mosquitoes, cockroaches, ants, rats, mice, or any other mammal except for bats and seals.
• You can fall in love with the breeze.
• Air can smell really good.
• If the supply connection t0 the mainland is threatened, the first things to go from supermarket shelves are toilet paper and rice.
• Lava deserves a close look.
• Many American visitors refer to going home as "going back to the States." We usually don't correct them because (a) we don't want to embarrass them and (b) the mainland feels like a different world to us, too.

What Do Snow Birds, Humpbacks, and Cruiseships Have in Common?

Ah, winter. Love those change of seasons!

Living here in Hawai'i for the past 8 1/2 years has given me a different perspective on "seasons" and on what it means for them to "change." My wife and I lived for 30+ years in southern Ohio, near Cincinnati before coming here. Fall and spring were very nice. In the fall the color of changing leaves could be spectacular. In the spring the sudden reawakening of the land and the flowering plants, trees, and shrubs were deeply invigorating. But the weather for the rest of the year was varying degrees of yuck. Summers were hot and muggy, with violent thunderstorms and tornadoes. Winters were gloomy, clammy, and grey, with the occasionally blizzard or ice storm thrown in for good measure. Generally speaking about 3-4 months of the year were pretty nice, 3-4 were just tolerable, and the remaining 3-4 months were miserable.

Visitors from Ohio and other parts of the mainland U.S. are usually curious about what it is like to live in Hawai'i, and often they will ask, "Don't you miss the change of seasons?" Given what I just said about the weather in Ohio, you can probably guess my answer ("are you kidding?"). I understand the basis for the question, though, because the weather here varies so little compared to most other places. Our average shift from summer to winter daily high temperature is only about 10 degrees. In my particular location that means daily highs from upper 70's during the winter to upper 80's during the summer. The year round difference between daily high and low temperatures is only 10-12 degrees. It is rare to have a whole day without sunshine -- no dark and dreary periods. The humidity can vary considerably but averages around 50-60% and is usually moderated by constant breezes (dew is infrequent). It is relentlessly nice, in my opinion.

Actually, though, we DO have seasons here, but (a) they are obvious only if you have lived here a while, and (b) they don't involve changes from grey and lifeless to colorful and vibrant or the reverse.

For example, we know it's Fall when the number of cruise ships visiting our bay increases as they reposition from summers in Alaska to winters in the South Pacific. About the same time the snow birds from the mainland begin to arrive, and so do the humpback whales who migrate each year from Alaskan waters to winter here (smart animals). Various plants and trees that don't bloom during the rest of the year start to do so, like the poinsettias people plant in their yards. The African Tulip Trees and Jacaranda provide a refreshing change of color from...all the other color that we see all year around. The beans on coffee trees mature to a bright red color before they are picked during the fall and winter. A few plants do kind of go dormant, like the plumeria that lose their leaves during the winter (though they often continue blooming).

So, you see, we didn't have to give up changes of seasons when we moved here. We just gave up the cold, grey, nasty part.

It is also the case that we really feel the changes even though the difference might be only a few degrees. One of the downsides of living where the weather is so constant is that after acclimatizing for a few years, our comfort zone seems to shrink. Anything below 70 degrees seems downright cold. One way you can tell the locals from the tourists in the winter is to look for the ones wearing sweatshirts and jackets instead of shorts and t-shirts. Likewise, a degree or two above normal results in locals complaining about the "heat wave."

Yeah, right.

2.4+112+26.2 = ?

No, this isn't going to be another installment in my "Banker's Math" series. The numbers above are the lengths of segments in the annual Ironman Triathlon held in Kona, Hawai'i each year. Imagine swimming in the ocean as fast as you can for 2.4 miles, then without a break hopping on your bike and riding 112 miles, then (again without stopping), dropping your bike and running a 26.2-mile marathon. That's the Ironman and you can see why its name is appropriate.

Of the roughly 1,800 athletes who compete all but about 150 are amateurs ranging in age from mid-20's to 80 (!). The older athletes aren't competing realistically against the young pro's, but rather within their own age group. Not just anyone can enter the Hawai'i Ironman. With only a few exceptions, all athletes must have finished in the top of their age group in at least one qualifying triathlon in the last year.

This is truly an endurance test. The professional triathletes complete the race in about 8-9 hours. Most of the amateurs take 12 to 14 hours, with some going right up to the cutoff of 17 hours. Imagine 17 hours of constant physical effort !

In case you're wondering, I haven't done the race and never will (but thanks for thinking I might be capable of it). However, since my wife and I live in Kona, we volunteer most years to help put on the event. It is really quite an experience, one that I find very inspiring and rewarding.

One reason I like it is that our normally sleepy little tourist town is transformed for about a week each October into an international festival. The athletes come from over 50 countries, and besides hearing them speaking different languages, they are easy to spot -- just look for the slender hardbodies zooming around on their hi-tech bikes and effortlessly jogging up the steep streets. Another reason is that some of our volunteer duties give us an opportunity to meet athletes and talk with them one on one. This can be particularly rewarding and inspirational, because we learn that in many respects they (not the pros, those in the older age categories) are fairly ordinary -- they have families, jobs, financial worries, etc., just like the rest of us. But they are also very different in their level of commitment to a goal where the main reward is deeply personal and the sacrifice to reach that goal is tremendous.

It would be very wrong to conclude that what these people are doing doesn't benefit anyone but themselves. They provide a positive model of dedication and effort in an age where positive models are in short supply. Inspiring others is a benefit to society we should recognize and appreciate.

Ah, Love Those Changes of Seasons!

My wife and I lived in Ohio for over thirty years. A friend who still lives there recently forwarded the following parody of a Yuppy Diary that seems to capture part of the reason we left after retirement. You non-Ohioans just substitute whatever is appropriate given your locale for “Ohio” “fall color,” “snow,” “deer,” and “rust.”

“Dear Diary: Ohio Winters:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here.
The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful
old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in
the seasons. This is truly God's Country.


Oct. 14 - Ohio is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the
real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a
multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of
reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk
through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer.
They are so graceful; certainly they must be the most peaceful
creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.


Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why
anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the
very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ohio.
I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight:
everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white.
The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard.
We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway.
The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight.
I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too
close to the driveway because we had to go out and
shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place.
Nature in harmony. I love it here!


Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it!
The plow did his cute little trick again. What a
rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!


Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway
to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the
shoveling. And that snowplow!


Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I've got
blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the
snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done
shoveling the driveway. Asshole.


Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin’ snow.
If I ever get my hands on the sonofabitch who drives that
snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't
they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??


Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I
have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB
"Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are
buried up to the windows. Weather man says to
expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many
shovelfuls 10 inches is??


Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it’s coming down it
won't melt until the 4th of > July! The snowplow got stuck
down the road and the shithead actually had the balls to
come and ask to borrow a shovel! > I told him I'd broken 6
already this season.


Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store
to get some food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my
car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the
car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should
have a longer season if you ask me.


Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain
turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke
the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and
it went through the roof. I should have cut that
old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the
chance.


March 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you
believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of
that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a
bashed up heap of rusted cow shit.


May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida.
I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind
would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Ohio”

There are a number of lessons in this parody, one of which is that it is not so much the world around us that changes over time, but our perception of it. As we begin to take the positive qualities of things for granted, the negative qualities (which were there all the time) begin to emerge more prominently. I’ll bet the writer of this diary was just as negative about Florida a year later.