Sunday, July 27, 2014

"I'll Be Right Back" -- And Other Famous Last Words


I've already confessed to having a warped sense of humor in several earlier blogs (see It's A Guy Thing, Why I Hate LiverGeezer Olympics: Competive Complaining, or What, Me Worry?).  It's time for another installment.  Warning:  this qualifies as an addition to my TMI or Oversharing series....

Things can be funny to me even when (or maybe because) the situation ordinarily calls for somber reflection, philosophical erudition, and compassionate consolation. Take death, for example.

There is nothing inherently funny about the final proof of our mortality. In fact, it can be terrifying if it is our own end we are contemplating, and terribly sad if involves someone who died before their time or if it is accompanied by unnecessary suffering. Still, the concept of death is maybe too often treated as simply negative -- anything that is inevitable should perhaps also be seen as having a lighter side.

One source of humor about death comes from the last words someone utters, often referred to as "famous last words" even when the words aren't attributable to famous people.  One of the funniest treatments of last words of some real historical figures is by Ian Cheesman of Cracked.Com, and I make no pretense at even coming close to the humorously warped level of his presentation (see Cheeseman, part 1 and part 2).  By the way, the fact that I'm linking to Cracked.Com should tell you something about my sense of humor.  Cheesman introduces his analysis this way:
"Everyone hopes to leave a legacy. To be remembered after our passing is the closest thing humans have to immortality, at least until cryogenics figures out how to reanimate Walt Disney's head. Some people try to pull off immortality with a lifetime of achievements and noble acts. But why piss away all that energy on altruism when you can simply spout one badass quote before you take the dirt nap and live on through eternity known as a guy who needed a second casket for his ....[censored]?"  (Cheesman, 2008, part 1)
Cheesman's choices include serial killer Carl Panzram just before being executed in Indiana (Hurry up, you Hoosier bastard, I could kill ten men while you're fooling around!"), Chief Sitting Bull confronting the soldiers who killed him ("I'm not going. Do with me what you like. Come on! Come on! Take action!  Let's go!"), Joan Crawford on her death bed when someone started to pray for her ("Damn it, don't you DARE ask God to help me."), and Karl Marx when someone asked him for his last thoughts ("Go away! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!"). Ok, I admit some of these aren't so much funny as admirably gutsy, but Cheesman's analysis that accompanies them is very funny and definitely my kind of humor -- I really recommend it.

In addition to the last words that famous people have said, there are quite a few that have been made up by some very warped minds -- kindred spirits to me.  Most of these pertain to situations where the speaker doesn't know these will be his or her last words (a key element in the humor, I suppose, and it helps to picture the situation). Here's a sample from various sources, including yours truly (for more go to Funny.com):
  • "Hold my beer and watch this..."
  • "Let's just keep on ignoring it and it will probably go away...."
  • "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing...."
  • "It doesn't look that deep to me...."
  • "I know a great shortcut......"
  • "They look friendly...."
  • "We need something stronger to get this fire going....."
  • "Did you hear something?"
  • "What does this button do?"
  • "I wonder where the mother bear is?"
  • "Look ma! no hands!"
  • "I'm sure this isn't the poisonous kind...."
  • "All you have to do is connect these two wires...."
  • "Stupid safety labels....
  • "Lightning never hits the same spot twice"
  • "Manual?  Who needs to read the dumb manual!" 
A final (pun intended) source of funny last words comes from tombstones.  Cemeteries are rich sources of information about a culture (see "My Favorite Cemeteries"), and the inscriptions on the grave markers can at times be very humorous -- in a warped kind of way.  Some of the cutest are epitaphs found on the 13 family tombstones at the Haunted Mansion attraction in Disney World and Disney Land.  The names on the markers are all actual people who worked on the design or construction of the mansion, but the nature of their passing is made up  Here's a sample: 
  • Rest in Peace – Cousin Huet – We All Know – You Didn’t Do It 
  • Here rests Wathel R. Bender – He rode to glory – On a Fender
  • Here lies good old Fred – A great big rock – Fell on his head R.I.P. 
  • In memorium Uncle Myall – You’ll lie here – for a quite a while
If you do an internet search for "funny tombstones" or something similar, you'll find most of the results repeat the same list of epitaphs and it is difficult to know if the authors actually saw the graves or are just re-posting the same list over and over.  Even so the sayings are still humorous.  Here's a few I like, taken from a great blog called My Wintersong, who is at least specific as to the location of the graves:

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

A lawyer’s epithet in England: 
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880′s. He’s buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.

On a grave from the 1880′s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.

And "finally"
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go


Ok, that's enough.  If you want to add your own suggestions or favorite last words, just post them as comments or email them to me and I'll include them (anonymously, in case you're still in the closet about your warpedness......)
------------------------------------------------
Update:

See the comments for some reader suggested last words.  Also, here's an anecdote and an actual newspaper obituary that a friend who researches sports fan identity collected:
  • Accepting that the end was near, the funny grandfather and great-grandfather said earlier in the day there was an upside to death: at least he wouldn't have to watch another Bengals loss 
  • He respectfully requests six Cleveland Browns pallbearers so the Browns can let him down one last time.

Monday, June 9, 2014

American Travelers Abroad: The Chips Are Down

[Note -- it is hard to believe, but this is my 100th post!  That's a lot of hot air!  Thanks for listening.......]

Despite the title, this blog is actually another in my "Banker's Math" series. Or maybe a dual entry -- the other being my "Traveler's Woes" series.

My wife and I travel regularly to Western Europe. For example, a year ago last fall we returned for our fourth visit to Italy, that time to northern regions just in time for mushroom season. This spring we flew to Holland for tulip time, then continued down to southern France for three weeks.

Over the years it has become easier for us to travel independently in Europe, thanks in part to the availability of internet technology for booking hotels, finding restaurants and attractions, and obtaining information about the local region. Language problems have nearly disappeared as English has become the universal travel language (we often hear other travelers talking to locals in heavily accented English, then return to their native language among themselves). Navigation GPS devices make it easier to drive yourself through the maze of ancient streets and web of country roads, assuming you don't always believe the instructions (that will be another blog!). Europe has also become increasingly hi-tech in the sense of allowing (and even requiring) payment by credit card and providing access to local currency via ATMs.

Although we have thoroughly enjoyed all of our trips to Europe, we recently have encountered some problems due to our antiquated American financial technology. I'm referring to the "swipe and sign" credit card that has facilitated several high-profile hacker attacks recently, for example the infamous Target data breach.  These attacks are the work of nefarious ne'er do wells, of course, but their efforts have been made much easier by the vulnerability of the credit cards issued by U.S. banks. The information on the magnetic strips is easy to hack, the cards are easy to counterfeit, and the information transmitted by data terminals at retail outlets is easy to intercept. 

The weaknesses of "swipe and sign" credit cards have been known for some time, and most of Europe has moved to a much more secure system which involves embedding a small integrated circuit chip (called the EMV chip) in each card that encrypts the user's data and protects it with a pin number. Point of sale machines can read the chip (once the pin is supplied) and the data is then encrypted for transmission.  Though there have been a few hacks of this kind of system, it is much less vulnerable than ours. As Tom Groenfeldt of Forbes magazine describes it:
Much of the rest of the world uses a small chip on the credit card to validate with a transaction. The chip employs cryptography and a range of other security features and measures that create a multi-layered defense against card fraud. When combined with a Personal Identification Number or PIN code (the sort used on ATM cards), it substantially raises security. Even with just a signature it makes a marked improvement over a simple magnetic stripe. (Groenfeldt, 2014).
Now enter the hapless American traveler abroad, equipped with banking technology widely regarded as woefully insecure and antiquated.

As my wife and I discovered last month while exploring Holland and France, the issue isn't so much the insecurity of our cards -- they aren't more insecure when we use them in Europe as when we use them here in the U.S.  Rather, the difficulty comes from the fact that Holland and France are very advanced countries, and credit/debit cards are used for nearly everything.  For example, here in the U.S. getting cash from ATM is a matter of convenience. In Holland and France, only banks in the largest cities have human tellers who can dispense cash on demand, so using an ATM is nearly a necessity for getting currency.

The ubiquity of card transactions (and the weakness of our swipe and sign card) was brought home to us the very first night we were in Holland.  We had driven to a restaurant for dinner and learned that nearly all parking in the town required payment -- not to a human being but to a central machine that only accepted coins or...you guessed it...cards with the EMV chip.  Having just arrived we didn't have any coins and we were going to have to find a nearby store to get change -- not something most merchants are keen on doing, particularly since all we had were large bills. Plus unless one of us stayed with the car we ran the risk of getting a ticket. Fortunately a nice Dutch family waiting to pay gave us the minimum required in coins -- about $1.40.  Of course, they then stepped up to the machine, stuck in their chip card, keyed in their pin and away they went.

Parking machines aren't the only places where our credit card failed us -- trying to buy train tickets went from a simple matter of interacting with a machine to having to stand in a long line to pay at a counter -- only to have the agent's machine refuse to read our magnetic strip. On another occasion we had a major hassle when we tried to use a Park and Ride system in Amsterdam. Without the EMV chip we were unable to buy a special discounted ticket for city transportation and were forced to locate the parking structure attendant and try to explain our predicament. Again, the helpfulness of locals (and maybe their pity) won the day, and the attendant unlocked the machine and manually forced the discounted fare somehow.

Getting gas for our rental car also proved to be a hassle without the EMV chip, as I discovered the first time I inserted my swipe card into a pump's pay terminal, thinking this would work like it does here in the U.S. The station attendant came on the intercom and said something in rapid fire French, which of course I couldn't understand.  The tone, though was very clear.  I tried to fill up anyway, but the pump didn't have any obvious way of allowing for filling and then paying inside.  Soon the attendant came out of the kiosk and with more rapid fire French and a bit of charades she communicated that I had to move our car to the "penalty pump," which she would activate for filling and then paying inside. By the way, the security of the chip and pin cards allows many service stations in Europe to remain open 24/7 without any attendants at all after normal hours. We would have been out of luck -- and out of gas -- had this happened late at night.

Fortunately, most merchants, hotels, and restaurants in both Holland and France have machines that can (for the time being) process our cards -- in addition to the slot where the machines read an EMV chip, they also have a slit that allows swiping a card.  In fact most of these European machines are portable -- in a restaurant the waiter brings the machine to your table when you are ready to pay your bill and the whole transaction takes place right there.  Since your card never leaves your sight, this is another way in which the European system is more secure. Although we never had a problem with a merchant refusing our swipe and sign card, this isn't always the case. Tom Groenfeldt quotes one credit card vendor as saying that merchants, especially in France where they have had EMV the longest, are very resistant to taking a card that isn’t chip and PIN, and restaurants sometimes don’t want to accept cards with just a mag stripe. In other words, unless you want to wind up washing dishes for your delicious meal in Cannes or Monaco, take plenty of cash as a backup.

So why haven't American banks switched to the new cards?

According to an analysis posted on the Credit Card Forum there are several reasons:
Why? Well, there isn’t exactly a huge demand for them. Unless you’re traveling abroad, you don’t really have an everyday need for a chip card, as few merchants have upgraded to payment terminals that accept them. Add in the fact that chip cards a more expensive to produce, and you wind up with three parties (consumers, merchants and issuers) who haven’t been in a big hurry to make the switch.
From a Banker's Math perspective the expense to card issuers of covering fraudulent charges is less than the cost and inconvenience of changing to the chip system. The public concern over identity theft and insecure credit card transactions may be changing that equation, however.  Credit card issuers now see the chip technology as a possible competitive advantage in attracting new accounts and have begun to offer them in limited markets -- but almost always in connection with yearly fee cards and not necessarily with cards that have no foreign transaction fees.  For current lists of who offers what, see posts by The Points GuyCredit Card Forum and NerdWallet.

To make things even more confusing, most of the chip cards now being made available to Americans are "chip and sign," not "chip and pin."  (If a pin is issued with these cards, it is for obtaining cash advances at ATM's, not for point of sale purchases.) And a quick search of internet forums will reveal many reports of people being unable to use them in Europe, or finding that they will work in some instances and not others.  Not a good solution but still better than the old system.

For now we have adopted a wait-and-see stance.  But before our next trip abroad we will have one of the chip cards The front runners right now are Barclaycard Arrival Plus ($89) and the Chase Sapphire Preferred ($95).  The Barclaycard is a true chip and pin card.  The Chase Sapphire is chip and signature now and likely to have chip and pin later in the year.  We'll keep you posted.

Happy travels, happy banking.........


Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Curious Case of The Kona Coyote

Well, right up front I have to admit that coyotes do not really exist in Hawai'i, at least in the form that most of you know.  Here they are much smaller and go by another name -- Herpestes Javanicus or "Mongoose" for short.  I call them coyotes because they fill much the same ecological niche here as coyotes do on the mainland U.S.

Coyotus Konicus
Although many visitors to Hawai'i assume mongooses are native to the islands, they are actually from India and Indonesia, and were deliberately introduced here in 1883 to control rats in the sugar cane fields. Some initial success in the Carribean and West Indies with this method was reported in 1882 by naturalist W.B. Espeut.  Espeut and others quickly began to raise mongooses and sell them commercially, including some to cane growers in Hawai'i (not all the islands, however).  Unfortunately Espreut may have been a teensy bit premature in promoting the introduction of mongooses both here and elsewhere. Not only do we still have rats, the mongoose is now a very serious problem, as it is nearly everywhere else it has been introduced.  In their authoritative book on mongooses, Dunn and Hinton describe the introduction of the mongoose into the West Indies as "...one of the most disastrous attempts ever made at biological control"  (Mongooses, p. 63), and the same is true here.  The reasons for the failure are an important cautionary tale for those of us who live on islands, as we shall see.

The rat, too was introduced to Hawai'i but unintentionally -- one species coming with the Polynesian settlers about 1600 years ago and two others (the Black, or Roof Rat and the Norway Rat) with Europeans and Americans beginning in the late 18th century (U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service Factsheet).

Espeut assumed that all rats are the same, as most of us do (you've seen one rat, you've seen them all, right?). Turns out the differences are very, very important. The Norway rat is a ground-nesting species whereas the other two nest in trees or high structures (the Polynesian and Roof rats). The mongoose is a mediocre climber and so it was able to prey on the Norway rat but had much more difficulty with the other two. In a number of studies scientists have found that the introduction of mongoose has led to a decrease in Norway rats but increases in the other two varieties.  The often-quoted story that the mongoose didn't control rats in Hawai'i because the mongoose is active during the day whereas rats are active at night is a gross oversimplification -- the mongoose was able to find the nests of the Norway rat and destroy them even during the day, but it couldn't reach the other two, day or night.

Espeut also underestimated the breeding ability of rats, which far outstrips predation by mongooses.  Further, after reducing the numbers of Norway rats, mongoose then go after other sources of food, including the eggs of ground-nesting birds, beneficial lizards, snakes (none in Hawai'i) and amphibians.  And there are no natural predators in Hawai'i to keep the populations of mongoose in check.

Both the mongoose and the rat were introduced to Hawai'i and are clearly new arrivals here.  In fact, prior to the arrival of humans in the Hawaiian Islands there only two species of endemic mammals -- the Monk Seal and the Hawaiian Bat. The Polynesians intentionally brought two more (besides themselves, of course):  a small domesticated pig and a small variety of dog.  All the rest have been brought here intentionally or accidentally in the last 200+ years -- the blink of an eye in geological and evolutionary time. While it is true that everything here came from somewhere else, the rate of introduction is crucial to understanding the ecological impact these introductions have had and to appreciating those things that are truly unique here.

The Hawaiian Islands are the most isolated group of islands in the world.  Their isolation has meant that the species of plants and animals that managed to arrive here on their own from other parts of the world were themselves isolated from that time on and evolved over eons into unique forms.  For instance we have raspberry vines here but they don't have thorns because they no longer needed them as defense against browsing mammals. Almost all endemic Hawaiian birds evolved from a single species of honey creeper and are found nowhere else on earth. Certain trees, like the Ohia, evolved in the presence of almost continuous volcanic activity and are able to withstand and even thrive in conditions that would kill many others.

Most people who visit Hawai'i see a lush and colorful landscape that, though exotic, still seems somewhat
Java Sparrows (Introduced 1960's)
Safron Finch (SA, introduced 1960's)
familiar.  This is because many of the plants, animals, birds, and insects are in fact not from Hawai'i at all but from the mainland U.S., South America, Europe, and Asia. For example, nearly all of the colorful birds people see (including parrots, turkeys, pheasants, and various songbirds) came from elsewhere, many within the past 200 years or less. At my house I occasionally see two endemic bird species, the I'o and the Pu'eo (native hawks and owls, respectively).  That's it. There are, however many cute introduced birds in my neighborhood, like the Saffron Finch from South America and the Java Sparrow from Indonesia, both introduced in the 1960's. There were dozens more native birds but they are either now extinct or are only found in remote areas, usually at much higher elevations than most tourists go (an exception is Volcanoes National Park where a number of native birds can be seen).

Many of the less attractive aspects of Hawai'i also are not original.  Here's a partial list of negative critters that were NOT in Hawai'i before their recent introduction by humans:
  • rats
  • mice
  • cockroaches
  • ants
  • mosquitos
  • termites
  • wasps (Yellow Jacket variety)
  • giant centipedes
  • slugs
Looking at the list above, it is clear how we use our past experiences with the world to shape our expectations and interpretations of what we encounter in new places.  Nearly all of us have lived where pests like rats, ants and mosquitos are a natural and common aspect of our environment and so we are not surprised when they exist here in Hawai'i also. The real surprise is that this was a place not long ago where they did not exist.  Imagine -- no rats, mice, mosquitoes, ants, or cockroaches!  And of course the sad fact is that they wouldn't be here now if it weren't for us.

Our past experiences can also lead us astray when we assess the implications of what we see in a new environment. This is particularly true for Hawai'i's isolated and uniquely fragile environment. For instance, many of those beautiful birds I mentioned are considered by biologists to be serious problems here because although they are in ecological balance in their original habitats, they become an invasive species when they are introduced to Hawai'i.  Relying on our preference for their attractiveness or their benign role elsewhere as the basis for judging their desirability in Hawaii's environment can be a very bad mistake.

To call something invasive isn't the same as using other negative terms, like referring to a particular plant as a "weed."  Weeds are often simply something we deem undesirable based on aesthetic preference.  An "invasive species" is something that meets one or more of a number of specific scientific criteria, including:
  • being able to spread quickly and widely
  • being either a predator that threatens to extinguish beneficial native species or having qualities that give it competitive superiority over other species for food or territory
  • altering the habitat in unsustainable ways
  • producing significant negative impact on the local economy
Of course, values and attitudes are still at play when we decide what action, if any, should be taken to control invasive species. This is particularly true when the species is something we find beautiful or cute, like most of the small birds we have introduced, or a species we find desirable in other ways, like the animals brought here to be hunted for food or sport.

An instructive comparison is between a variety of wild turkey introduced here in 1961 versus the Nene, an endemic variety of goose and the Hawai'i state bird. Both are large, ground-nesting and foraging birds that prefer not to fly much but are magnificent when they do. The Nene is severely endangered, whereas the wild turkey has increased from 400 birds to 16,000 in just 50 years (there
Latest introduction 1960's
are actually several varieties of turkeys in Hawai'i, all of them intentionally introduced beginning in the late 1700's and 1800's).  In its original environment of North America the wild turkey's numbers are kept in balance by several predators (fox, coyotes, cougars, large birds of prey, skunks, bobcats, racoons, possum, and snakes), harsh winters, and hunting by humans. Being a prey animal living in harsh conditions, it evolved a number of characteristics to counter these threats:  (1) it has large number of offspring, 10-14 chicks; (2) it is polygamous, with the males establishing large harems of females during mating season; (3) it eats almost anything -- leaves, fruit, seeds, and nuts of a wide variety of plants, shrubs, and trees, insects of various kinds, even small amphibians and lizards, (4) it takes refuge in trees at night to avoid predators; (5) it has developed resistance to many diseases carried by other mainland birds and animals. Without the controlling influences in the turkey's original environment, these qualities can be very ecologically problematic in Hawai'i where there are far fewer predators, a very benign climate, few competitors, and plenty of food.

The Nene, on the other hand, evolved in the absence of all the predators listed above with the exception of birds of prey, and without the ecological competition of other foraging birds (recall,
Nene -- Endemic
most other birds were types of honey-creepers).  It has fewer offpring, 1-5 per female, tends to be monogamous (often mating for life), is a selective and somewhat picky eater of leaves, seeds and berries and has no immunity to diseases carried by birds and animals recently introduced.  These qualities were adaptive for the environment that existed before the arrival of humans and the introduction of predators and generalist competitors. But Nene are poorly equipped to handle these sudden changes, and only through an aggressive captive breeding program have they been brought back from the brink of extinction. People often see Nene in open grasslands, like golf-courses, and incorrectly assume they are plentiful.  Visitors mistakenly believe them to be Canadian Geese, from which they evolved starting about 500,000 years ago, and which have become a serious nuisance in urban areas of the mainland where they congregate in large numbers -- another example of how past experience can sometimes lead to wrong conclusions in new environments.

The natural introduction of a new species causes an imbalance in an existing ecosystem that in time will sort itself out. In the case of Hawai'i new plants, animals and insects arrived at a relatively slow pace due to the isolation of the islands. However, beginning with the arrival of humans 1,600 years ago and accelerating tremendously with Cook's discovery of the islands a little over 200 years ago, hundreds of new species of plants, animals, insects, and diseases have been introduced within a very short time.  And the ecosystem is still in turmoil, according to biologists who are studying this process and who find Hawai'i a fascinating and valuable natural laboratory to observe both ecological adaptation and evolution in action. The biologists naturally and understandably stress the negative impact new species have had on native populations but they are also intrigued by how these new species interact with each other and in some cases how native species have adapted in positive ways to the newcomers.

Apapane -- Endemic
For example, the Pue'o (endemic owl) and the I'o (endemic hawk) never saw a rat or a mouse until their recent introduction.  Their diet consisted mainly of other native birds.  Now, however, they are learning that these new furry critters are a tasty source of protein.  They also are quite happy to eat introduced birds, particularly now that the native varieties are scarce. Another example is that one species of endemic bird, the beautiful Apapane, is apparently developing a resistance to Avian Malaria that is carried by alien birds -- this disease, transmitted by mosquitoes that breed in terrain uprooted by European wild boars, has decimated many native Hawaiian species. As I said, evolution in action.

There are also examples of new arrivals controlling each other. Mongoose, rats, and feral cats -- justly demonized for preying on native birds -- are now major controllers of burgeoning populations of introduced birds that would otherwise become an even greater destructive problem than they are now. This is why I call the Mongoose a Kona Coyote -- in this environment it performs a controlling role similar to the coyote on the mainland U.S.. Although mongoose, rats and feral cats are themselves a serious problem, if they were to be suddenly eradicated in Hawai'i the populations of introduced bird species would skyrocket, with severely negative consequences.

Note that this is another illustration of how our prior experiences can lead us astray in new situations.  Many of us from the mainland U.S. are very familiar with the negative impact of cats on bird populations there.  But in that case the birds are not alien and not invasive. Of course, eradicating introduced birds in Hawai'i would likely also cause problems.  For instance, the Myna bird from Southeast Asia has become very fond of eating geckos from Madagascar, which aside from humans and cats have no other predators here and are very prolific breeders.

These examples illustrate the complexity of the mess we have created and the fact that solutions can't be as simple as we often assume -- some approaches will just make matters worse here in Hawai'i even though they might be appropriate elsewhere.  And since rolling back the clock isn't really possible, we are left with developing ways to substitute the control forces that are absent for the species we have introduced, an expensive and risky proposition given our historical record in this matter (remember the lesson from the curious case of the Kona Coyote).

If you look back at the list of qualities for defining an invasive species you might agree that humans fit nearly all of them.  We are able to spread quickly and widely over most of the planet. We are a predator that threatens to extinguish beneficial native species. We have qualities that give us competitive superiority over other species for food and territory.  And we certainly have a record of altering the habitat in unsustainable ways. A key difference between us and other invasive species, however, is that we are aware of what we are doing and we can alter our behavior and mitigate the effects of our own presence as well as the effects of those species we have introduced either intentionally or unintentionally.

The question is whether we have the will to do so.  And whether we still have time.
__________________________________
Some Resources and References:
Hawai'i's Invasive Species, 2001.  Staples, G.W. & Cowie, R.H. (Eds.). Mutual Publishing, Honolulu.
"Invasive Species"   U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service
Encyclopedia of Invasive Species: From Africanized Honey Bees to Zebra Mussels by Susan L. Woodward & Joyce A. Quinn
Encyclopedia of Biological Invasions - edited by Daniel Simberloff & Marcel Rejmanek
Biological Control by H.M.T. Hokkanen & James M. Lynch
Fighting Invasive Species in Hawai'i  The Nature Conservancy
Invasive Species in Hawai'i University of Hawa'i'
Mongooses by A. M. S. Dunn & H. E. Hinton


Other Blogs in the "Critters of Hawai'i series:
Tons of Fun
"Lei"zy Horses and Hot Malasadas
More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Geckos


Sunday, April 6, 2014

Celebrating Nothing: Twenty Years Without Smoking

I quit smoking twenty years ago, in March, 1994. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

For those of you who have never smoked, and those of you who were smokers who quit easily, it might be hard to understand why it can be so difficult for some of us.  It is because of this general lack of understanding that I consider those few who are still puffing despite the external and internal pressure to stop to be kindred spirits for whom I have great empathy and sympathy.  My heart goes out to them when I see them huddled together in desperate little groups outside public buildings from which they have been banned, or when I inadvertently come across one sneaking a smoke in a stairwell or a restroom.

I had been trying for years to break the habit and had managed to get down to just a few cigarettes a day, but quitting entirely was something I just couldn't do. I thoroughly understood the risks, dangers, annoyances, personal and social costs, effects of second-hand smoke, etc., etc., etc.  I knew all the reasons why quitting was a good idea and continuing was idiocy.  It didn't matter.

To punish myself for my lack of will power, I restricted my smoking at home to outside areas (during the winter this meant many cold hours in our unheated garage). I wouldn't smoke in our cars or in most public places. In my office I would sit huddled by a window blowing the smoke outside.  Long plane rides were agony, and the minute I got off I would sprint for the nearest smoking area.  Four hours seemed to be my comfort limit, as I recall. I tried to delay or avoid smoking at times it was most enjoyable, like after a meal or with a cup of coffee.  Nothing worked.  The thought of finishing my very last cigarette and having none available in case I changed my mind filled me with a very irrational sense of panic.

In those days there weren't the wide-spread smoking cessation programs there are now.  My physician was dutifully down on my habit but shrewdly realized that too much cajoling wouldn't work with me.  He knew of my efforts to cut down and he offered to help when I decided to quit entirely -- at that time a prescription was required for nicotine patches.

My turning point came one night when I woke up with pain in my chest.  Actually, not just pain, but PAIN -- like my heart was in a vice that someone was cranking tighter and tighter each time I took a breath.  And with this pain came a sense of fear close to terror -- something I thankfully haven't experienced as strongly again.  After the one and only ambulance ride of my life (well, so far) and a blur of activity in the Emergency Room, I wound up in the Intensive Care Unit overnight.  When my physician visited me the next day he gave me the wonderful news that I had not suffered a heart attack but rather a bout of something called acute pericarditis, which is an inflammation of the membrane surrounding the heart. The causes of this are not always clear, it happens most often to men between 20-50, and it often never occurs again.

Of course, I was waiting for the inevitable lecture about how smoking had led to this and was yet another reason to stop.  But my physician was honest and straight with me -- smoking was most likely not the cause, but of course it does contribute to the likelihood of heart attacks, something I really didn't want to experience if the pain was anything like the pericarditis attack.  Also, being in the ICU gave me the opportunity to achieve my 24-hour smokeless goal, because I had already gone 20 or so hours without a cigarette.  So I told my physician I wanted to try to quit smoking if he would help me.  He wrote me a prescription on the spot for a round of nicotine patches, and also for something which turned out to be critical -- an anti-panic drug.

I started with the biggest patch possible. I joke that I opted for the full wet-suit size. The patches helped numb the craving but it was the anti-panic pills that were key to continuing my effort to quit (I think it was called Xanax).  As I progressed to smaller patches the panic attacks grew less intense and less frequent.  But I learned that the patches couldn't provide the sudden "hit" of nicotine that was one of the things that made smoking so pleasurable to me, and the pills didn't deal with the craving for those.  These days there are substitutes that can provide a sudden increase in nicotine but they weren't available then.

After several months I made it to the nicotine-free level and though I had to continue the anti-panic pills occasionally, I didn't relapse into smoking and eventually I stopped them.

Before I quit smoking the public campaigns against the habit were relentless and often hyperbolic.  Smoking was the evil weed, responsible for everything from lung cancer to hangnails to global warming.  And life after smoking was touted as marvelous and just short of heaven itself.  Your sense of taste and smell would return from the dead, you would have fewer colds, better eyesight, and your hair would grow back. You would become a sexual athlete, your IQ would go up by 30 points, and you would succeed at business without really trying.  I think in retrospect that these over-the-top campaigns were probably responsible for as many relapses as they might have been for attempts to quit smoking because when the promised benefits didn't happen the residual cravings took over.

Indeed, I found that most of the promises were empty or misleading, at least at first. I believe it was my pre-existing skepticism of the claims that prevented my relapse when I found they weren't true or were exaggerated.  I did not immediately feel better.  I had just as many colds as before and they were just as severe.  My sense of taste didn't change, although I immediately gained weight because my appetite increased.  I did notice an increase in my sense of smell, but as one friend who had quit a few years before me joked, "The good news is you can smell better.  The bad news is that a lot of things smell really bad."  He was absolutely correct.  For example, I soon found a lot of men's colognes and women's perfumes to be really obnoxious -- scents that had been pleasantly muted before I quit smoking were now almost nauseatingly strong.

One thing that didn't smell bad to me was cigarette smoke. In fact I embraced it even though it occasionally re-kindled my desire.  Even to this day it doesn't smell that bad to me and I'm not one of those people who complain loudly if they get even a hint of someone's cigarette smoke.  Often these complainers are the very people whose cologne or perfume fills the air with a near-choking intensity-- they are habituated to it, otherwise it would probably completely mask the smell of tobacco smoke.  In general, I've tried to avoid becoming one of those holier-than-thou ex-smokers who show no compassion whatsoever for those who are still struggling with the habit. When I was smoking those crusaders had the opposite effect on me than they intended -- their stridency actually deepened my resolve to assert my own will, no matter how self-destructive that was.

Twenty years have passed and so far I've avoided the cancerous consequences of smoking, though the probability of lung cancer will never fall to what it would be had I never smoked.  Another sobering thought comes from the fact that I started smoking at a very young age (as an 8-10 year-old trying to emulate my two older siblings) and smoked more or less continuously for the next 40 years. Given my age when I quit, it is very unlikely I will live smoke-free for as many years as I smoked.

I'm very glad I quit, if for no other reason than recovering my self-esteem.  As an intellectual I knew full well that I was killing myself and harming others in the process, and that the logical, prudent thing was to quit.  But my habit was way beyond control by logic -- I was addicted and addiction required a different approach than simply reasoning with myself.  I'm very thankful for the pericarditis attack kick-starting that different approach.

People often ask if I still crave tobacco.  The answer is a sad one.  Yes. The craving isn't very strong and I have no intention of smoking again, but this shows just how thorough a grip something can have on you.

No matter how smart you think you are.




Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Fasten Your Seatbelts: Your Reward Miles Are In For A Bumpy Ride

I predict that airline reward "miles" will soon disappear, judging from a recent move by Delta.  In a stunning display of "it's a feature not a flaw," the company announced that starting in 2015 it will determine the number of reward "miles" on the basis of the ticket price, not the miles flown, and tried to tout this as an improvement for customers. As one Delta executive said in an interview with CBS news, the change was necessary because people paying top dollar for Business and First Class were having difficulty because so many seats were already taken by award travelers who had upgraded using their miles.  Imagine the gall of those riff-raft -- actually cashing in their award miles!  (Obviously my snide addition).  By changing to a revenue-based reward system, the company wished to recognize those travelers who contribute most to the bottom line.

Most industry analysts have determined that the new change effectively cuts the miles awarded for most travelers by 20-50%.  Despite what Delta says, this includes those who purchase more expensive tickets in Business Class because Delta is also dropping the bonus for this higher class of service. For instance, in a careful analysis by The Points Guy, the current award for an economy Delta ticket from Seattle to Boston is 4,992 miles versus 2,240 under the new system. For Business Class it is currently 7,448 miles (including the bonus) but will be 7,050 miles next year. The only time Business and First Class will actually benefit from the new system will be on very long haul flights, such as New York to London. Economy travelers, though will see dramatic cuts on these routes.

And there is still another shoe to drop -- Delta has held off announcing what the new requirements will be for obtaining award travel (i.e., cashing in your miles), which will likely be raised (again).  In other words, fewer miles awarded and more miles required to actually benefit from being in the Delta loyalty program. Hmmm.

Airlines have been moving in this direction for some time by issuing reward credit cards that allow people to earn miles for purchases that have nothing to do with travel.  The more you spend, the more miles you accrue, whether it is on buying milk or magazines.  Delta has now completely disconnected actual travel and reward miles -- the only thing that drives the reward process is money spent.  The more expensive the ticket the more you earn.  Period.  At this point it will be more accurate and honest to drop the "miles" and use a term like "points" or "units."  This seems to also be more in the spirit of what drives our economy -- spending, not saving.  Perhaps we should just give Delta credit for being honest:  you get what you pay for -- nothing is really free -- and the more you have the more you get.

In fact, I have to admit that if airlines had begun their rewards programs with this kind of structure I think I could have easily accepted it.  I use other programs that are based on this idea -- cash back credit cards, for example, and they seem perfectly reasonable to me.  I think what irks me here, though is the change from one kind of philosophy to another, and the motivation behind it.  It feels like a "bait-and-switch" -- I joined reward programs because I saw the value of the reward structure, but now the structure has been altered in a way that doesn't recognize my past loyalty and seems not to care much for my future loyalty, either. But then, I've never paid for a Business Class or First Class ticket and never will, and Delta is making it very clear that unless I do they aren't interested in rewarding me for using their airline.

The other irksome thing to me is that this kind of change comes when Delta is earning great profits and is hardly cutting corners in some areas.  For example, based on a $1 billion profit for 2012, Delta boosted CEO Richard Anderson's total compensation by 42%, to $12.6 million (about $ 3 million in cash, the rest in stock options and deferred retirement compensation).

I suspect he'll get a big bonus this year, too.  Perhaps we should give it to him in Reward Miles.
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Some Relevant Resources and Related Blogs:
Delta to Frequent Flyers: Distance Mileage Is Over, Show Us the Money - Businessweek
Taking a Deeper Look at Delta’s New Mileage Earning Structure for 2015 and Beyond | The Points Guy




Monday, February 17, 2014

Bombs Away! America's Lethal Legacy in Laos

A huge 2,000 year-old stone jar was standing miraculously unbroken on the edge of a crater about 30 feet in diameter and 15-20 feet deep created by a bomb dropped by the U.S. on Laos during the Vietnam War. The jar is one of thousands clustered in several sites around the Plain of Jars in Laos, a place of archeological mystery, agricultural richness, and great strategic importance during the Vietnam War.  The jars were probably funerary urns but no one knows for sure because the people who made them left almost no other trace. 
Also unknown is how many jars were destroyed by the heavy American bombing campaign in this area, but fortunately enough survived to make a visit here very rewarding.

My wife and I had the good fortune to spend about three weeks traveling throughout Laos recently.  It is a beautiful country of only about 7 million people, many of whom live in mountainous rural farming areas. The country is rich in natural resources but sorely lacking in infrastructure, and it is clearly the least developed of its neighbors, Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam.

It is also the most heavily bombed country in history.

Bombing Sites in Laos.  Peter Larson
From 1964 through 1973 the U.S. dropped approximately 2.5 million tons of ordnance on Laos, about 1,700 pounds for each man, woman, and child. Although the primary military target was the area in eastern Laos where supplies from North Vietnam traveled south along the Ho Chi Minh Trail, nearly all parts of the country were bombed during more than 580,000 bombing missions carried out by the U.S.  According to analyses by epidemiologist Peter Larson the tonnage dropped in some regions reached 5 tons per person.

The full scale of the U.S. bombing operations was kept secret from the American people for many years, but is now well documented by recently declassified military records, U.N reports, Congressional Hearings, and evidence provided by NGO organizations working in Laos to remove unexploded bombs, such as the well-regarded international Mines Advisory Group (MAG) and the U.S. Legacies of War educational and advocacy organization.

Over 280 million bombs were dropped on Laos by the U.S. Many of these were anti-personnel and anti-tank weapons called cluster bombs which open before reaching the ground and release dozens of smaller grapefruit-sized devices informally called "bombies" by the Laotians. Unfortunately an estimated 30 percent of the bombies, or about 80 million, failed to explode upon initial impact and now pose a serious risk to those who disturb them. During the war years the bombing campaign and other military actions killed around 30,000 Laotians.  Since then another 20,000 have been killed or injured from encounters with UXO, or unexploded ordnance.  In the last decade 40% of the casualties have been children.  According to the Mines Advisory Group, approximately 25 per cent of the country's villages are contaminated with UXO, and contamination is found in all 17 of the country's provinces. Finding and removing 80 million unexploded bombs would be a challenge even for the richest and most technically sophisticated country.  Laos is certainly neither rich nor technically sophisticated and UXO continues to be a significant deterrent to its development and a serious threat to the safety and well-being of its citizens.


Many of the casualties from UXO occur when farmers attempt to cultivate land that has not been thoroughly cleared.  Despite the risk, economic desperation makes large numbers of poor rural farmers ignore the dangers. Another even more widespread problem is that villagers can earn a lot of money from UXO scrap metal, leading them to collect UXO even though it has not been properly defused.  Not all the scrap metal is sold, however. As we traveled through Laotian farming areas we saw the bomb casings that once held the bombies being used for barn supports, water troughs, flower pots, and even supports for t.v. antennae. Seeing remnants of U.S. weapons used in these ways was a poignant moment for us as Americans.

During Congressional hearings on the UXO problem held in 2010, Deputy Assistant Secretary Scot Marciel of the Bureau of East Asian and Pacific Affairs offered a positive-sounding account of the U.S. role in helping Laos cope with the UXO problem:
"To address the explosive remnants of war problem in Laos, the Department of State supports a variety of humanitarian demining and unexploded ordnance clearance projects, with funding from the Non-proliferation, Anti-terrorism, Demining and Related programs (NADR) appropriation account. One of the top goals of the program is to clear all high priority areas (specifically agricultural land, health and education facilities); another is to develop indigenous mine and UXO abatement capacity. These projects are selected and managed by the Office of Weapons Removal and Abatement in the Bureau of Political Military Affairs, in close coordination with the Bureau of East Asia and Pacific Affairs and our Embassy in Vientiane. Although the bulk of U.S. NADR funds for Laos goes to UXO Lao — the Government of Laos’ quasi-independent government agency charged with conducting clearance operations — we also fund NGOs that conduct independent clearance operations and run school-based campaigns to educate children about the dangers of tampering with UXO. Our funding supports work performed by Lao national entities (primarily UXO Lao) as well as by international NGOs such as the Mine Advisory Group, Norwegian People’s AID, the Swiss Demining Foundation, and the World Education Consortium. We view our programs in Laos as very successful overall, and one in which the national authorities have established a credible and effective UXO action system."
 And the monetary support for these programs?  Read carefully:

"The U.S. is the single largest donor to the UXO sector in Laos. Other major donors include Japan, the European Commission, Ireland, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Germany, and Australia. From 1993 through 2009, U.S. assistance has totaled more than $25 million...In FY 2009, our total assistance for Laos UXO projects was $3.7 million. In FY 2010 we will provide $5 million on UXO funding for Laos."
Whoa! In this day of a billion here and a billion there, the U.S has provided a total of just $25 million over a 16-year period .  And though we provided the most of any other donor, this still suggests that the overall international support for mitigating the Laos UXO problem is rather small given the scope of what needs to be done.

I will avoid getting into the geopolitics of the Vietnam War and whether it was justified.  I'll also dodge the question of whether hiding the scale of military operations in Laos from the American public was justified or not.  But I suggest that no matter which side of those arguments you are on, surely we can agree that America has left a dangerous legacy in Laos that is still killing and injuring innocent people 40 years later.  If we really are the compassionate and well-meaning country we believe ourselves to be, then maybe we can do more to contribute something positive to the lives of the Laotian people. As we traveled through Laos were were treated warmly even when people discovered we were Americans. The most negative reaction was usually one of puzzlement over why the U.S. had done what it did and why it doesn't seem to recognize the extent of its legacy today.  Why, indeed?
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Some Additional Source Material:
Scot Marciel's Congressional Testimony, 2010.
2010 Congressional Hearings on UXO in Laos
Entire Congressional Record Account of Congressional Hearings on Laos, including written follow-up material requested by Committee members.
Analyses of U.S. Bombing Missions by Peter Larson
Mines Advisory Group in Laos Website
Legacies of War Website
"Forty years on, Laos reaps bitter harvest of the secret war."  2008 article in The Guardian summarizing UXO problem
"Laos' Unexploded Bombs: Deadly Scrap Metal, Toys." Transcript of 2010 NPR segment on UXO scrap metal dangers.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Geezer Olympics: Competitive Complaining

[Note: Yes, this is yet another blog in my Geezerhood series. I usually advise younger readers to go amuse themselves in some other way, but in this case they might find the topic pertinent.]

My blog on "Geezerhood Can Suck" got a lot of responses, including one from a long-time friend who expressed sympathy but then said he was refraining from commenting further in order to avoid "competitive complaining."  Thanks, D.P. for stimulating this little essay.

Well, my warped sense of humor was immediately tickled by the phrase "competitive complaining."  I then did what any red-blooded fading intellectual would do.  I Googled it.

Yup, there at the top of the results were links to two pages with that exact phrase.  Both of them were blogs by university students -- one at Tufts and the other at Carnegie Mellon.  The one by the Tufts blogger illustrated the phenomenon particularly well with a made-up conversation between several students approaching exam week (Student D obviously wins):
Student A: “This weekend is going to be absolute hell. I have an econ problem set and two papers to write.”
Student B: "Ugh, I know. I have three research papers and it’s gonna take hours to finish all the programming I have to do.”
Student C: “Whatever, at least your thesis isn’t due in like, three days.”
Student D: ”Oh yeah? Well four of my professors decided to schedule their finals five days in advance. Plus I have eight theses underway, I have to translate three Chinese novels into Swahili, and I’m performing in the Mongolian Culture Show for peace in the Middle East...."
This is clearly a negative version of conversational one-upsmanship where each participant tries to outdo the others in a strategy of "bet-you-can't-top-this!"  It's also an illustration of the social psychological phenomenon of Impression Management in which we attempt to control the attributions others make of us.  Note that in the example above, the students have prepared others (and maybe themselves) to attribute their potentially poor academic performance to external circumstances rather than to low ability, bad time management, or perhaps to a lack of willpower when it comes to beer and partying. Of course this only works if the obstacles listed are plausible and not under control of the student giving them.  Student D's litany of difficulties walks a fine line between the two but does so magnificently.  Note that D has covered his/her bases very well -- a bad performance can be explained away as not the student's fault, and a good performance will suggest superior capabilities because it was achieved in the face of tremendous challenges.

As I read these two blogs by the university students I began to realize that competitive complaining is hardly the sole provenance of young people --  it also characterizes a lot of the conversations I have with other Geezers.  In fact, I'd say Geezers can complain rings around these young whippersnappers and would easily win in any competitive complaining contest. The young'ns are mere novices in this sport and getting to our Olympic level of performance will require lots more training -- years' worth, I'd say.  We Geezers have also perfected a number of specialized forms of competitive complaining, like "Prescription-Pill-Problem Parrying," "Frugality Fencing," "Travel-Woe Takedown," and the ever-popular "Politician Pummeling."

There are at least three reasons for our superior complaining ability.  First we have been doing it for a long, long time. And as they say, "practice makes perfect."  Second, we have way more serious things to complain about, like diseases, surgeries, and how inconsiderate our adult children are.

Third, we have personal historical perspectives on a very broad range of topics that give us a rich repertoire of complaints.  For example, a twenty-something complaining to a Geezer about the current state of the economy or the level of violent conflict in the world today will be buried by the Geezer's recollection of past personal experiences of depressions, recessions, and wars -- no contest at all.  And of course the coup de gras is the Geezer's comparison of each contestant's future time-line, a technique guaranteed to elicit sympathy and a concession of defeat:  "Ah, well you're young and have plenty of time to see things turn around and get your life in order.  Me?  Well..., you know how it is.  I doubt I'll live long enough to see things get much better...."  Top that, whippersnapper!

I've also been in conversations where competitive complaining has made attributions for a Geezer's positive performance even more positive, though these are less common.  Imagine the following exchange among Geezers at the gym:
A:  "Hey Guys, how's it going?  Haven't seen you for a long time. I pulled a leg muscle and haven't been working out much lately."
Geezer B:  "Oh, well I've been forcing myself to come even though I'm recuperating from my knee replacements.  Gotta do all that painful physical therapy, you know?"
Geezer C:  "Oh, boy do I.  I had both knees done, three toes amputated, a pin put in my ankle, and a hip replaced last summer.  Really slowed me down in the Fall when the wife and I scaled Kilimanjaro, hiked the Inca Trail, and trekked to Everest base camp." 
Geezers A and B have not only lost the competitive complaining contest, they are probably thinking Geezer C is some kind of Superman, which of course is C's ego-boosting payoff.  (Indeed, if he really did those things, I'd say he is.)

Don't get me wrong.  I acknowledge that Geezers have legitimate complaints about a range of difficulties that face them, particularly those involving health and finances.  But I think that competitive complaining in a group conversation may be serving functions for Geezers that are similar to those for the young university students approaching exam week described above.  By focusing on obstacles and issues that are not under our control, we Geezers prepare others to attribute our limitations and degraded performance to those factors, rather than to our lack of effort, unhealthy diet or slovenly habits.  For Geezers, competitive complaining establishes a public basis for pardoning our failure to take responsibility for doing what we can, despite the challenges of aging. Although this may be effective in managing the impression others have of us, it can be also be very dysfunctional to the extent we come to believe our own excuses -- see my blog on The Power of Negative Thinking. The irony of competitive complaining is that it may be self-fulfilling -- we may unwittingly worsen the problems about which we are complaining.

And of course the irony of this blog is that I'm complaining about competitive complaining.  Hmmm.  I may have just invented a new form of the game: "Meta-Competitive Complaining," or competitive complaining about competitive complaining.  Top that!!
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The Geezerhood Series so far:

Geezerhood Can Suck
Embracing Your Inner Geezer
How to Compress Your Morbidity
The Power of Negative Thinking
Thoughts for a New Year
So, What Do You Do All Day?
Jogging the Memory of a Geezer
Decision Making In Geezerhood
Don't Go To Your 50th High School Reunion!
Taste Buds Are Wasted On The Young!